Working my way back to center.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed… until I went to the bathroom and remembered we have no water. The weight of the world sank down upon me yet again. It’s so hot here today I can hardly think straight. I hadn’t had a shower in 2 days and felt physically disgusting. That hot, sticky kind of gross. I rarely get actually dirty. My hair was in need of a good washing, too.

Daddy got up not much after I did. I could see it all over Him. The stress and weight of the cost and fear of what might be waiting behind the walls when they get opened up. I made us some french toast with white bread and a little bit of Italian Sweet Cream coffee creamer left at the bottom on the bottle. We ate silently watching BUZZR on TV. It’s a channel dedicated to old game show reruns. We watch it often. Mindless entertainment with a laugh thrown in now and then.

I called the home insurance company and started a claim. The young kid, Jordan, on the other line was nice enough. He was asking me questions I couldn’t possibly have the answers to. How many times do I need to tell him I haven’t had a plumber out to assess the damage or start repairs? All of the questions related to this one fact!!! I started to get frustrated at him and snapped. I immediately apologized for being rude. I’m overwhelmed and stressed. I explained, too, that I don’t have the money on hand to call a plumber out. We jumped through the hoops of starting a claim.

My phone NEVER rings! It rang with important calls each time I was on one of those calls. Breathe, kitten… breathe!!! Just get through one before hitting the next. There isn’t anything that can’t wait. Easier said than done, yet I managed.

Daddy sat there watching this get done. I can only imagine how helpless He felt sitting there watching me jump through these hoops. There are legal issues underlying why everything is in my name at this point. We’re straightening it out in a messy court case at the moment. Of course the shit hits the fan when there’s already a bunch of other stressors happening!!! He could only sit and be with me. Hug me when it was over. Worry.

We went down to my besties house a few doors down and picked up all of our towels. Yes, EVERY towel in our home was there. All washed, dried, fluffed. BFF wanted to stop and chat, but time was of the essense. Daddy had to get to work. Sure is nice to have all of my towels freshly washed at the same time. lol With only the two of us, we rarely use more than the top few before washing again.

We opted to try turning the water main back on so long as we have no more leaking. So far so good. We talked about it and decided that we might be able to live with no hot water until we can afford to deal with it… or at least get in touch with my lawyer tomorrow to prompt some movement of funds to handle this and get it started. That was all fine until Daddy went to take a shower and discovered that is no water in either of our showers at all. We have good water pressure in the sinks and flushing toilets… just no water at all in either shower. I’d taken a bird bath in the kitchen sink with a washcloth, soap and cold water. Dunked my head under the sink and washed my hair. No big deal. Beats the alternative of staying gross! By this time, Daddy had reached His stress & overwhelm breaking point. Barely an hour to get dressed and to work, He was crabby AF. We snapped at each other pretty good. Immediately, we kissed and said we’re sorry. lol No reason to be sorry. Our stress levels are out of control. Powerlessness. Overwhelm. Fear. We both knew. Nothing needed to be said. Our looks at each other said it all.

I’m in a situation which is out of my control right now. What a concept! lol Lots of things are out of my control!!!! Time to go back to basics and get myself out of overwhelm. It’s why I’m blogging about it. Stay in the moment. Right this moment, I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Not worrying. Not trying to control it… or my Daddy! ♥ There’s running water in my home, though it’s not to my expectations of what it should be. Key words there…. expectations of what it should be. Expectations are what cause most of our unhappiness in life. Let go of expectations and things are instantly easier. Should is another of those horrible words that hurts every single one of us. There is no should. There is only what is.

Now, I can let my mind rest. Everything is ok at this moment. There is nothing more I can or need to do before tomorrow. Let it go until the next thing needs to be done. I won’t let this consume me 24/7 until all of the repairs are done. This is only ONE part of my life. Everything else is fine. I’m not preaching gratitude today. Nope. Gratitude is a part of this, of course. More, I’m keeping myself in the perspective of how bad this is in reality. My entire home isn’t flooded. I’m able to stay in my home safely. I have running water. There’s a ton of food in my house. My husband has a stable job. All of 3 us are happy & healthy. Honestly, this is nothing more than an inconvenience.

Back to my friends house where there’s AC and happy puppies! I’m off to see the Wizard! ♥

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