As soon as things felt more manageable, they went sideways all over again. 😦 I just broke down in tears again. Company left, Daddy and i had a quiet day of sleep and bonding where we both felt safe and calm again. We slept in yesterday, got up rested and hopeful. We were looking forward to the day. After breakfast in the hotel, we went up to shower and check messages before starting out on a leisurely day off. The insurance company called and wouldn’t approve an extension in the hotel despite no water, plumbing or kitchen usage with 24/7 machinery making our home unlivable. We made all the necessary calls to work it out and ultimately went home to this unreasonable situation.

We slept in our own bed last night, which was nice. As for the rest… it’s NOT OK!!!! We’re stuck in our bedroom due to the heat and noise from the dehumidifiers running to dry out the walls and floors. We have no cooking access. We can’t get to our microwave around all of the fans and the fridge in the middle of the kitchen. PB&J it is at home and the cheeetos we munched on in the hotel. Our only food supply available in our home!!!! Daddy has His first day back at work since His scheduled vacation for the friend’s visit. No shower, practically a dry shave and His last set of work clothes until we can get to a laundromat tomorrow.

He insisted i come into work with Him. A/C, running water, ability to use the restroom, all the coffee and vending machine food i want, and a place for me and Ruffi to hide away where i won’t be in the way or cause any problems.

i got settled into my spot and there was no internet access. i gave up. The tears started again. i was headed home because at least at home i could have the internet, TV and be surrounded by the comfort of my own things. Daddy has been on the verge of tears or killing someone for the last week and trying to maintain. Every set back, no matter how small, seems like the world is crashing down on us. He hugged me, settled me into a different spot with orange juice, sunchips, water, Ruffi and my laptop. No more kitten tears. i can be strong again. Daddy’s about to come unglued, so i have to be big and strong as much as possible.

Tuesday the work crew will be at the house to begin pulling out kitchen cabinets so the plumber can get in there to do the necessary work. Not sure if it’s in the walls or under the house in the slab until they get in there. i had to give approval for the work in case my granite slab countertops break in the process. Informed consent. FUCK!!! i almost laughed when the guy told me. Of course they’ll do their best not to break them. It’s just one more thing.

Have i mentioned that my laminate hardwood floors have been replaced with industrial-looking, ugly tile? i wasn’t asked. It’s what i got. i can just imagine what i’ll get to replace the granite should it break.

My home is no longer my home. It’s no longer our safe haven from the big bad world. It’s lost almost all of the things which made me want to buy this particular house. i’ve come to hate my house. i can’t call it home!!! i just can’t.

Upon returning home and checking the mail for the first time in a few days, our mailbox was full of letters from our health insurance company that our policy will be cancelled at the end of this month and we have to handle this before Aug. 31st, as well. i was outraged!!! Overwhelmed is an understatement for what is going on here.

i know that things will go back to “normal”. Everything will be ok in the somewhat near future. When things go this wrong for this long it takes some time for us to settle in and feel safe again. Daddy and i have both been homeless, lived in cars, stayed in hotels by the day as we could afford it, struggled to find a place to shower… and all of things that go with it. We didn’t go through these things together, but we share the history of them and we both trigger around all of this! It’s too close to what it’s been in the past. All of the same feelings of being unstable and unsafe flood in and out for us both constantly. This has become much more than just a plumbing issue gone bad.

i’m exhausted. i’m angry! i hate my home and those who were supposed to make sure it was taken care of. i hate my mother for writing her will and trust the way she did. my hands are bound as i sit helpless to make things better and handle things the right way. This has gone into day 16 because i wasn’t given authority to handle affairs related to MY home.