D/s: Why obedience and trust are crucial

In every relationship where sex is involved, trust is crucial. These two things are what make D/s relationships safe. In many cases, a sub trusts their physical and emotional safety to their Dom during kink scenes. This level of trust is not built up overnight to reach a point of total obedience. I’m a brat that loves pushing boundaries and rules, yet I still know when it’s time to submit totally and obey my Dom.

Obedience and trust in daily activities are part of the training for being in scene where safety is an issue. I learned this the hard way with a Dom before Daddy.

Our relationship was on the rocks. I was being punished constantly for almost everything I did. I did not feel the connection I needed to in order to submit totally and obey him unconditionally. We went into a scene without discussing it before hand which was all new territory for me and we were playing long distance. These are no-no’s! Going into a scene without a full understanding and agreement of what is going to happen isn’t safe. Playing when I didn’t trust my Dom fully was unsafe. Engaging in a type of play I didn’t fully understand was also unsafe. All of these things set me up for a situation where I wasn’t totally obedient and ended up very sicks with an angry and worried Dom.

I’d never had any interest in even dabbling in water sports for a long time. I started doing some reading and research and found small ways to dabble that were totally non-threatening. I found that it did nothing for me. It was one of those things my Dom was VERY into, so I agreed to try with him in order to please him.

He gave me instructions of what to wear. He approved my clothing for the scene through pictures. He gave me explicit directions on how much water to drink over what period of time and when. There was edging in between drinking water. In all, I was supposed to drink roughly 32oz of water in about an hour.

He ordered to me to stop drinking and lie on my bed clothed and just relax until I peed. (We can discuss the EWWWWW factor later. So not my thing!!!!)

I laid there for almost an hour. There was no incling of needing to pee. I spoke to him and told him I wasn’t even close. He told me to edge until I was ready to go then stop and pee. I did… and NOTHING.

He was a very strict Dom. I wasn’t supposed to question him or ask questions when a command was given. I was to obey. Simply obey.

I reached a point around 90 minutes in that I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to please him. I was afraid he’d be angry with me for taking too long. Here’s where I made my mistake. Rather than telling him or saying anything, I drank almost another 32oz of water in about 5 minutes. I went back to my position of waiting. It wasn’t long before I peed. I followed though with the remainder of the commands for the scene and when I was allowed, I went to clean up.

He was always very good about staying in close contact throughout the day. When he checked me about an hour later, I was so physically ill I thought I was going to die! I was nauseated, had severe diarrhea, my head was pounding. I was exhausted! He was worried sick! He was angry at me! He was calm in the moment and walked me through staying quiet and taking care of myself. When I felt better he scolded me like never before! At first I didn’t understand why he was angry at me.

Usually he was one to tell me why he was angry with me and what my punishment was. This time, all he could do was yell at me for not being obedient because he was worried and too far away to do anything.

I felt ill for several days! He stopped yelling at me, though I knew he was angry at me. He stayed close to make sure I was OK… and baby me a little bit. He knew I needed him.

Once the incident was passed and I felt better, I was able to see that he was so angry with me because I had put myself in danger by not following his commands exactly and with total obedience. I did not trust him or our relationship enough to ask what do to.

I went to him and apologized for my lack of obedience. He yelled at me once more in the process of telling me how angry he was that I hadn’t listened and done what I was told because he knew exactly what he was doing. He was taking care of me by doing so and I didn’t obey.

In this case, I was lucky that I was only water sick for a couple of days! As a Dom, he was angry that I disrespected him by not being obedient. More than that, He was angry that I put myself in danger by not obeying.

At the end of the day, the Dom(me) is responsible for the safety of their sub. Plans are thought out in advance to keep both of them safe. That is their job! Obedience is demanded in order to keep things safe. The end goal for most of us subs is to relinquish control and let our Dom take control. Not doing so can (and did for me) create safety issues.

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