When I think of being little I instantly flash to my happy times of giggling with Daddy, reading kids books in the bookstores out loud, playing catch at the park, wide eyed shopping dragging Daddy around by the hand and sweet cuddly moments where I just adore Him and can’t be close enough. This is the majority of being a little for me, but there is also a darker, more difficult side to being little.
I don’t always have a choice about when I slip into little space. Bam! There it is. Most of the time it’s fine, but others it makes life challenging for me… and for Daddy. I don’t have a set age that I regress to, which adds an additional challenge for me. At the young end, I regress to about 4 and on the older end I hit about 15. Depending on what’s going on around me or in my life determines where I regress to.
One of the hardest areas to handle is around my looks and sexuality. I look like a 48 year old woman on the outside, but I don’t always feel like a woman on the inside and don’t always know how handle sexual attention based on being in little space. I can leave my house feeling like a sexy adult wearing a cute little sundress and shift to feeling like I’m 15 because it’s sunny and I’m relaxed and having fun. Bam! I’m a young teen and not emotionally able to handle the sexual attention grown men give me. Overwhelmed, angry, afraid. I get judged by others around me for my seemingly inappropriate feelings and inability to cope. Yes, I even get shamed for dressing inappropriately with the likes of, “Well, you dress for the attention….” With Daddy at my side I never have to worry about coping. I’m safe. He’s not always there and I have to deal with whatever goes on until He is there.
Being overtired or sick are sure fire ways for me to be little… and not in the fun ways. Whiny, crying, needy, falling asleep in my dinner at the table. Did I mention whiny and needy? lol I just want Daddy non-stop. Cuddle me, take care of me, watch movies with me. Whine when He has to leave for work because I don’t feel good. There isn’t a choice in it for me. I feel bad and apologize for being difficult which just makes me cry more. It’s hard on Daddy…. especially when I’m sick. It’s almost always bronchitis, pneumonia or a sinus infection requiring weeks of treatment and recovery. It’s exhausting for both of us.
The intimacy and dynamics of my relationship with Daddy make it safe for me to be vulnerable and little with Him. Overall this is a beautiful thing. I’m my most honest emotionally when I’m little. Anger easily shifts to the underlying hurt. When Daddy and I fight and I’m really hurt it sucks slipping into little space! It’s my natural place to go when I’m hurting… have Daddy comfort me and fix it. In those instances when big things happen and there is real hurt getting little and wanting/needing Daddy to comfort me is really confusing and not always the best option.
Just as there are challenges being a slave or a sub, there are challenges being an adult little. These are a few of the challenges I face. Despite the hard times, I’d never trade being a little or having my Daddy! ♥
3 thoughts on “Hard little moments”
Learning about littles and middles has opened my eyes to certain things. While I don’t regress fully I tend to the middle stage more so that 10-15 years area. Stuffies. Books. Cuddles and cartoons. Unfortunately I do not have a Daddy at the moment but that does not mean that I will not find one. That dynamic is intensely personal and involved and not for someone who only wants to see you once a week. I am so happy that your Daddy is always there for you and helps when you are in your little space. Oh coloring I love to color too. Have a good day! And we are the same age!!! Look at this we can start our own little/middle club! 🙂
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Would you be interested in starting a little/middle club with me? I’m totally serious! It’s something I’ve wanted to do for the longest time. Maybe we can email and chat details if you want to??
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I would. I only recently learned that I was termed a middle. I would love to email and chat about it with you. And moving to the east coast puts you closer to my sphere of the canadian world. Kinda. But still closer then west coast lol
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