So, you want to be My submissive?

Yesterday I had a man request to be my submissive. It went horribly wrong on his part. Let me tell you why…

I am a human being, not a kink dispenser! If you want an immediate relationship or feel it’s appropriate to ask for sexual favors without taking time to get to know me, HIRE A PROFESSIONAL DOMME!

No means no. No, I won’t be your Domme is extremely clear. No, I am not going to participate in online play with you is just as clear. Pushing for dominant behavior from someone who has clearly stated no is a huge red flag and boundary violation. No means no! Gender and which side of the slash make no difference.

He blocked me immediately after I called out his inappropriate behavior.

Here is the ideal outcome of our first conversation.

Him: I’d like you to be my Domme.

Me: No. I’m not open for anything aside from platonic friendship.

Him: OK. Thank you for your time.

I’d have seen him as a stereotypical guy on Fet looking to get his rocks off rather than a boundary pushing asshole.

5 thoughts on “So, you want to be My submissive?

  1. I hope you don’t mind me asking but from your post, you posted the ideal conversation without showing the contrast of the conversation you had. Could you edit your post or comment to explain the difference to me?


  2. Considering how a lot of guys are on Fet (as well as other kinky sort of platforms I’ve been on over the last 35 years) I can imagine the conversation went a bit like this:

    him: i want you to be my Domme!
    SS: I’m sorry, I’m not interested in being your Domme. If you knew anything about me (like Oh, I dunno; read my profile) you could see that I’m not looking for submissives. I CAN offer you a platonic friendship if that’s something you’d be interested in.
    him: Please, please, please Mistress! i can’t find anyone anywhere else! i really NEED You to be my Domme! Here’s a list of things i want you to do to me. i have no limits!
    SS: Deep Sigh. I am NOT interested.
    him: [more pathetic whining]
    SS: Enough.
    him: See?? You’re a natural! i’m already feeling like i’m in Your power Mistress!
    SS: If you need to be Dommed, go see a professional, I’m not in the business of making you submit.
    him: screw you! [*BLOCKED*]
    SS: Good Riddance.

    Suffice it to say, I’m sorry that you had to waste your time on a wannabe. Or at the very least, a ‘DoMe’. Trying really hard not to sound condescending here, but BDSM used to be easier when people had to put effort into getting online.

    Finally, as to what the difference is? No one builds a meaningful relationship on a whim. BDSM, Vanilla, Rocky Road, whatever. This person was making a shot in the dark trying to get his rocks off. His first mistake was not bothering to read a profile. It went off the rails from there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed. The conversation followed that basic template. He asked my Daddy first and then went on to pursue the topic with me further once I let him know that we could be platonic friends and nothing else would happen. When he pushed the issue trying to get me to talk about a potential scenerio of things I could do to him I gave him a stern talking to reminding him I’d said no and that if he persisted Daddy would tear him to shreds. He blocked us both. lol It’s a simple matter of manners. I know it’s not shocking when these things happen. It never is.

      What gets me is that someone wants to be MY submissive and is already pushing my boundaries in the first conversation. Absolutely not the submissive I’d tolerate if I were looking. Fare assumption for most D types, I’d say.

      Liked by 1 person

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