Friendship, Values & Red Flags

Today I want to talk about morals and values. We all have them and they’re different for each of us. That’s really OK. The part I want to talk about is when you allow people into your life whose morals and values don’t align with yours. It’s a recipe for disaster.

I’m very clear about my morals and expectations. I have exceedingly high standards for myself and those around me. Part of my standards has to do with where a person is at in emotional growth and their associated behavior. In my personal life, I don’t tolerate breeches in my values well or for very long.

I allowed myself to overlook glaring red flags in the process of making a friend last year. Due to the friendship being online only, I chose to overlook some of the things thinking they’d be OK and not affect me. Sadly, this was not the case.

I found myself being a counselor to this person. Asking questions to guide their decisions and see why they’re hurting and disappointed in areas. The judgment quickly began to follow. Sadly, this person does not know that I disapprove of many of their lifestyle choices and values. I look down on many of those choices. I never should have overlooked the red flags to be friends. It ended up hurting us both.

The friendship went up in flames when I set a boundary about sharing any information with me about a certain aspect of their life and it was breeched within 72 hours. The dam burst and I said things in a hurtful way about why I set the boundary in the first place.

I’m sorry this person is hurt at my choices and words. Truly I am!!! I’m sad, too. The areas where we met up were beautiful and fun. The major areas of my value system don’t align with theirs and it hurt me to listen and be part of. I’ve had a growth opportunity once more which I will not let go to waste because people were hurt.

Like everyone else, I am always growing and changing. My goal is not to hurt others in the process.

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