I’ve always had lots of friends. I’ve never been what one would call “popular”, but I always had lots of friends. I was never lost for a friend to see a movie with or whatever activity I was in the mood for. On the rare occasion everyone was busy, I have been content with my own company for many, many years. Marrying into an abusive relationship changed all that. I found myself isolated and desperate for companionship leading to really poor choices in “friends”.
In the past few years, I’ve let go of all the relationships which aren’t healthy and don’t bring positivity into my life. I’m discerning and yes, extremely judgmental. For far too long I’ve allowed people to take advantage of me, hurt and reject me, and stayed friends with people I didn’t really like or agree with their morals so that I wouldn’t be alone. It’s been 6+ years and I’m still recovering from the damage of an abusive relationship.
I’ve drawn in people who were unhealthy on various levels. Yes, I truly believe that water seeks its own level. I’ve had more work to do. Boundary setting, finding my center again and my value. When I got tired of having bad relationships, I took time out of them to learn how. I learned how to be a partner by being a friend. This time it’s learning how to be a friend to myself so that I can draw in the friendships I want and deserve. It’s been a couple of years in this space. I’ve been savage in cutting people out who don’t fit.
I’m going to a social event next Saturday with like-minded women to take the first step in potentially making a new friend or two. My mindset has changed from “will they like me” to “will I like them” like it used to be. Everyone wants to be liked, so I won’t say I don’t care if people like me. I care if the right people like me. I get to choose who those people are.
My mom always said her 50s were the best years of her life. She’d stepped into her power, recovered from the shit she’d chosen in younger years, knew who she was and was proud of that. My mom was right about a lot of things. I don’t praise her often, but in this regard, I’m proud to be following in her footsteps and stepping into my power and owning my life all around. I’m excited to see where this walk takes me.
I’ll wrap this discussion of friendship up by saying that if you don’t me… You’re not my people and that’s ok. I dislike far more people than I like.