Yesterday was a day of grief

All day it felt like Daddy and i were fighting without the actual argument part. It was sucky to say the least. He woke up to bags upon bags of food going in the trash. The cabinets bare and the fridge sparse. Every drop of sugar, gluten and dairy containing food out of the house. He felt like it came out of nowhere, despite us talking about it since we first met. Regardless of how it was done there would still be the grief. i felt it, too. i cried…. more than once. The process is hard all around. It’s never easy for an entire household to make such radical food changes to support the health of one person. At the end of the day it’s hardest on me.

i was overcome by feelings of guilt and shame. i’ve been shamed for making this drastic change before. i hate that Daddy has to give up all of His most beloved snacks and munchie foods to keep me safe. It feels wrong and selfish despite knowing that it’s a safety issue.

There were resentments on both sides. i spoke mine, but He didn’t. Daddy doesn’t talk about feelings much. He’s just not wired that way. For me it was that i didn’t have support in making the changes and that a big chunk of our grocery money goes to crap i can’t eat at all. i had this overwhelming sense that He should have offered to help make the change on one of the many times He’d seen me in agony and sick from gluten. It felt really selfish that He wasn’t willing to support me in having a totally clean house. i was resentful that i had to do it all on my own. i was resentful that i felt like if we’d done it together there would have been pouting and argument over everything going. i guess the basic feeling was that He didn’t really support me in taking care of myself and show any willingness to move our household in that direction. Making massive lifestyle changes requires support.

We waited way too long to make things OK between us. Words weren’t enough. After dinner i looked at Him and said it feels like we’re fighting without the fight. He nodded agreement with a quiet, “I know”. i went over and snuggled up to Him on the loveseat. The physical contact, the closeness made things feel OK again. The healing began. Apologies and love expressed on both sides. We shared a nice kissing session a little later with me pressed up against the kitchen wall.

Today our feelings are mended, but our bodies feel like crap. Daddy is into His second day with no gluten or sugar. First time in forever. i’m recovering from a massive sinus infection with a cough that’s wracking my body on top of sugar withdrawals. i’m exhausted to say the least!! We both are. The upside is it only gets better from here!

i have a big pot of veggie and beef soup simmering on the stove for dinner tonight. Smells really good! Baby potatoes, onions, garlic, celery, carrots, sweet peppers, zucchini and some leftover roasted brisket. Yum, right?! i went with one of my favorite flavor profiles… salt, pepper, ginger powder, curry powder, thyme and bouillon cubes. A throw back to my years of cooking Nigerian inspired foods.

7 thoughts on “Yesterday was a day of grief

      1. Thank you, Succulent! We have actually been together for a few months now, but he only recently gave me permission to start blogging about it. So, what I am posting on my blog is about 2 months behind where he and I currently are together (I was writing the posts as we went, knowing that I could hopefully post them later). It has been a beautiful journey so far ❤

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