I just read a great article by a Domme detailing the differences between experience-based submission and attachment-based submission. The article made me reflect on my style of submission and what makes me tick in that department. I am an attachment-based sub.
I have a hard time understanding the headspace of being submissive without a partner to submit to or really needing to submit. I don’t crave submission outside of the context of a relationship. I crave the kinky sex with scene only submission based on events occurring in the scene, but that submission doesn’t translate beyond the scene… even with the same person.
Real submission occurs for me when I’m emotionally attached to a partner. My desire to please kicks in. I’m a service sub at heart! Every relationship I’ve had, D/s and vanilla, my partners have told me I’m docile. Knowing I’ve pleased Daddy feeds my submission and further increases my desire to please Him.
Daddy rarely has to ask me for things, because I anticipate His wants and needs. In our dynamic there isn’t much formal protocol in our day-to-day life. More so when we leave the house and certainly when we’re engaging with others in the BDSM community. I’ve written often that punishment isn’t effective with me. I should note now that punishment is never needed. My desire to please Him sets a stage for me to never need punishment. Disappointing Him is the worst feeling in the world.
The deeper my connection is with a Dom the more submissive I am. Outside of being a service sub and pleasing Daddy in all ways possible… sexually and in our vanilla life, I also crave things like sitting at His feet while He watches TV. The outward devotional things which set me apart as His property and His submissive.
My needs for feeling submissive towards my Dom are primarily around safety, love, connection and belonging. I enjoy the control elements of D/s dynamics, but feeling loved and protected will trigger submission far faster and deeper than any rules a Dom could ever issue.
What is your submission style?