There is a divide I see among kinksters about public kink centered around other peoples consent. I’m whole heartedly on the side of it being a personal preference. I do agree that there are limits to what kinky activities are acceptable in public, but I hold vanilla couples and sex to the same standards. We have laws around sex and nudity for many, many reasons.

I remember many conversations with my mom and her elderly friends about “the gays”. It’s fine to be gay, but not if they flaunt it. No public displays of affection, don’t wear clothes which make it obvious they’re gay and all the likes for the comfort of these old ladies. More than a few harsh conversations were had with mom about these attitudes and treating others badly based on a difference which they don’t approve of. I don’t see very much difference between this scenario and that of looking outwardly kinky.

It’s not my responsibility to make sure that the vanilla people out there are comfortable. I don’t consent to their judgment or criticism.

There are way more things which I’m subjected to in the outside world which are far more offensive and intrusive than me wearing a collar and a pink Princess t-shirt…. even if Daddy is walking on a leash.

For instance, when I go to a restaurant I don’t consent to hearing the group of bitter women trash men the entire time or spend the whole time praising Jesus, or children running and screaming making my time out miserable. I’m blasted with clothing choices people make whether I consent or not along with constant bombardment with opposing political crap. The list of things I don’t consent to which makes me uncomfortable is far longer than anything I could bring in my public displays of kink!

At the end of day, I think it’s a choice we make as to where, when and how we bring our kink out with others based in large part on the consequences of our actions. There are those like myself who love the attention and shock value of being an exhibitionist. I don’t mind being stared at and talked about. Have fun!!! I choose to be mindful of how I dress and what I say around older friends I know won’t understand because the relationships matter to me. It’s not about them consenting or not. It’s the consequences of MY actions which determine what I do and don’t do.

I slip in and out of little space all the time. Granted, I don’t regress to infancy, but I do regress often in all manner of places. Sometimes chosen and sometimes not. I have the choice as to how I behave in little space! There are times that being little at work made my day a tad less stressful and tedious. Shift my mind to a more relaxed place and find joy in the small things with a bit of extra chatter or watching a teen movie with my clients in full enjoyment. I did my job without error or behavior that would impact my job in any possible way. I chose what behaviors to engage in because my job was important!!!

When all is said and done, I really see calling it a matter of consent is failing to take responsibility for your desire to be private with your lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with being private!!! Talking about the necessary consent of everyone around you for dressing kinky or acting kinky in the outside world is moralizing kink through your personal choices with a degree of kink shaming.

Yes, I said kink shaming! Your choice to be private about your sex life and kinky lifestyle is just that… yours! There are many, many people in the kinky world who have kinks specifically involving public sex, threat of exposure, exhibitionism and a bunch of things I can’t think of right now. Saying their kinks and way of doing kink is wrong is… *ding, ding, ding, ding* KINK SHAMING!

There isn’t a right or wrong way to do life. The choices we make are ours. How about we stop and think about that before we tell other people how to run their kinky lifestyle? Your way isn’t my way, but hey… if it works for you… go for it!!! Isn’t that kind of the point of being kinky anyway? We’re all a bunch of rule breakers on some level.

Following the theme of my last post on owing your shit…. take responsibility for YOUR choices without placing the responsibility for your choice outside.