I think anyone in the kink community views the world at least a little differently than most people. An edge of inappropriate sexual humor and answers to things the vanilla folks just don’t have. Being naughty and dirty minded are nothing new here. It’s the standard rather than the exception for me to have a naughty twist on things.

Yesterday I was quite surprised by my reaction to a seriously heinous gang rape I read about. The woman telling her story wrote graphically leaving no details to the imagination. Language used was what you’d expect in some hard core CNC erotica. It wasn’t erotica in the least…. yet I found myself walking the line of disgusted by humanity and turned on.

This was an eye opener for me! I don’t actively have rape fantasies… in fact the idea is a huge turn off. Yet, I found myself turned on by her humiliation and the guys’ being turned on by her fear and begging. Feelings I’m very familiar with in my own kink life. Being totally sexualized, in bondage, sex at knife point. All of these elements appeal to me in very serious ways! What surprised me most was that in a non-consensual real gang rape I found myself excited by the elements of what was going on.

This is the second time in my kink life that I’ve dealt with shame or being uncomfortable with my kinks. I don’t condone rape or kidnapping, yet there are elements of both which play into my sex life. The struggle at the moment is holding my values about right and wrong and how people are treated along with my sexual desires for some of those things.

Growing pains mean I’m expanding and learning about myself. No shame!