A few years ago a submissive man commented on a piece I wrote on Fetlife introducing me to the idea of alpha submissives. I was immediately intrigued and saw myself, despite the idea being an oxymoron to me. Yes, I do see myself as a bit of an oxymoron!
Dominant Soul posted this a few days ago making me think about my submissive style and what attracts me to a partner. https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/10488868/posts/2998857154
My natural state of being is strong, independent, decisive, outspoken, controlling, a leader. I’m anything but meek and passive in any area of my life. I’m just not wired that way! I was also raised by a mother who shared all of these traits and prized them as the right way. Needless to say, two strong willed women in the same house created a great deal of locking of horns. lol I don’t back down easily… lots of practice.
For years I couldn’t tell the difference between dominance and toxic masculinity in a man. It took me down some unhappy roads. Some of the things people term fake doms fall into the category of domineering and toxically masculine men, but that’s another post. As an alpha sub, I reclaim control quickly and lock horns before ultimately walking away from these relationships. It’s an awful battle of wanting to submit and a man not being worthy of my submission all the while trying to make him what I want and need. Ugh! Thank goodness I’m out of that insane pattern!!!!
Growing into myself as a woman and an alpha sub, my dating and mating call have changed dramatically!
I’m attracted to very good looking, classically masculine men. Confidence and a level of arrogance seeps from his pours. It’s not what he says or does, but how he is in the world. Like any sub, I can spot a Dom a mile away. His energy draws me in like a magnet. lol Being an alpha sub, I’m very likely to approach and flirt. Intellectual banter leads to a raised eyebrow as I up the ante with a double entendre inviting him to the challenge. 😉 If it’s going well, I’m likely to invite him to buy me coffee or dinner before he gets the chance. How is this submissive, you ask? It’s not… and that’s the point. Small hints are dropped along the way which a Dom will pick up on. Only the truly dominant man will take the bait and run with it. Many will find my prowess sexy and a turn on at first, but ultimately intimidating.
In my case, sexual submission comes easily when the chemistry is there and the kinks align. This doesn’t hold true in a long term relationship. My wants and needs far surpass this. My attraction to a committed partner is reliant on my ability to submit on a deeper level. The submission I crave is much more difficult. Trust takes on a new meaning. It’s far from trust to be honorable and have my best interest at heart. It’s delving into deeper levels of trusting he’s as competent as I am. Like any submissive, my submission is earned in and out of the bedroom. I work on my attitude and willingness to trust and submit. My Dom must actively prove He’s worthy of my submission. There are times when living a D/s lifestyle feels like I’m doing a tight rope walk.
Gaining the respect and submission of an alpha sub is a challenge well worth it. Daddy often says it’s exactly the challenge I presented which was a major part of His attraction to me. Don’t underestimate the submissive tendencies of the strong woman!