I’ve been sharing bits and pieces about the struggles in my relationship with Daddy. I am being called upon to remember that emotions are like the tides. They roll in and out. I get to choose which I pay attention to and give my time and energy to. Most of the time I’m pretty good at grabbing hold of the good and finding peace. Not always. lol I’m human!!! Some days hurt and are overwhelming. Adding wildfires, illness, being evacuated and medication which makes me irritable lesson my ability to actively choose my emotional attention. Today, I’m grateful to be feeling better and have several days of focusing on the positive once again.
Daddy is doing His therapy stuff. He’s working really hard at being present, respectful and kind with my emotional ups and downs around His behavior. I am in the process of staying on my side of the street. Don’t add to the hurt. Stay in the moment, give credit where credit is due and don’t lay all my hurt feelings on Him. I do actually have a part in all this. I have chosen to stay with Him (more than once) knowing that there is addiction going on. I don’t get to blame Him for that. That is MY CHOICE!!!!
I’ve known for a long time that eventually I’d have to deal with my co-dependence. *sigh* Here it is… in my face. I can either deal with it and work through my issues or I can leave Him and run into the same issues with someone else. lol Everywhere you go… there you are!!!
Today we’ve had a lovely day! We both got to choose that. Kindness, respect, laughter. We have chosen affection and tenderness. I have made an active choice to focus on what feels good and take responsibility for MY ACTIONS and FEELINGS!!!! Things go so much smoother when I focus on me and take away my focus and dependence on being OK from Him.
I think another tickle session is in order soon. *giggles* Yes, I have a massive tickle fetish. He’s finally discovering the value of it. 😉 The simple things like kissing, cuddling and tickling bring the closeness back and rebuild trust and intimacy.
At the moment, I am reminded that what He does or doesn’t do isn’t about me. I can’t always choose the feelings that come up, but I can sure as Hell choose what I do with them and how I express them. Rambling post about feelings. Sorry it’s all over the place. It’s kind where my process is today.