What’s on my mind?

Well, at the moment I’m listening to the Glass Fire update on the radio. The containment is reaching higher percentages each day which is a relief. I’m still in an evacuation warning zone. I don’t watch the news because of the effect of the images being put out there non-stop. The fires are very real here…. I see and feel the effects every single minute of each day they go on. I don’t need the bombardment of the traumatic images. My Facebook feed has slowed on the images and filled with the sadness of the fires. Friends and friends of friends losing their homes, jobs and businesses from the fires burning around us. GoFundMe pages for those who have lost everything.

I haven’t slept much. Exhaustion is starting to kick in. The heat is oppressive and we’re being called on to limit our electricity usage to keep the power grids from getting over taxed bringing even more power outages than are already happening. I stayed up far too late binge watching The Sopranos. If you haven’t seen the show, I highly recommend it. I’m watching it for the first time.

After hours of not speaking to Daddy at all yesterday, we found another place of calm quiet. He sat on the computer for hours yesterday going through the first phase of the assessment for the therapist. He was wrung out afterwards. He should be! If it were easy it wouldn’t be necessary. I reached out to a couple of his lifetime friends back east letting them know he could really use his friends and support. I need him to have people who know and who can support him. I can’t handle his feelings…. at all. I’m doing my best to deal with my own.

The constant grey skies are starting to get to me. It’s hotter than Hell, but the skies look like we’re in the midst of winter with the endless overcast days followed by night. After a while I start to feel the effects of depression and anxiety kicking in. Shutting the curtains and turning all the lights on helps to a certain degree. Not being able to outside at all or even open the door for more than a second is mentally and emotionally exhausting on a whole different level.

Am I overwhelmed with life right now? FUCK YES!!!!!!!! In the next couple months I’ll be bugging out of California for real. I’ve been talking about it for a long time. This is it. I can’t handle constant crisis. It makes me crazy. It does everyone. lol I just struggle a bit more than some to hold my shit together when everything around me is out of control. This is certainly an instance when pulling a geographic is a healthy choice.

Time for some happy TV and perhaps a nap. Food would do me well, too. Tune in next time for another happy post. lol Eventually things will get back to baseline and I’ll be a happy kitten once again. For the time being, I’m holding on and being honest with myself about the struggles and not pasting on a smile and pretending things are easy. They are anything but. Find the moments of joy where I can find them.

6 thoughts on “What’s on my mind?

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