Late last week Daddy got an email from the sex addiction therapist asking if i’m interested in their partner support group. i jumped on it! Today is my intake assessment. We have our first session together next week. i’m getting nervous.

Going through the intake paperwork and the symptom checklist was hard. Daddy and i are moving forward in a really positive way. i know that if we don’t deal with the issues now we won’t make it as a couple. i’m well aware. It’s just that at the moment we’re solid and things feel good. Bringing up the crap is hard.

A big part of our counseling together to mend things will be Daddy doing a therapeutic reveal. i think i have the name right? During a couples session, Daddy will tell me everything that has happened during his addiction. All of his missteps and cheating. Every bit of it. It’s going to be beyond intense for both of us. The point of this is get everything out in the open so the partner doesn’t need to search for evidence and wonder what they don’t know. The beginning of rebuilding trust.

In the process of getting ready for this session and writing about it i see just how necessary both types of therapy are for me. i’m really hurt and angry. i don’t trust Daddy the way i need to for a marriage. If just watching the videos and filling out papers was hard and brought stuff up that tells me that things are no where near repaired.

Daddy worries about me going through the process knowing how hard it will be for me. No! He’s not trying to avoid treatment for his sake. That’s not it at all. Watching me breakdown and knowing how hard it is for me to pull myself back together is troubling. Not my first trauma work, sadly. That’s part of my anxiety. i know full well just how hard trauma work is.

He’s hurting and anxious, too. The look in his eyes when we talk about starting treatment together is enough to break my heart. He didn’t fuck things up on purpose. Addiction is a beast.

2 hours to get myself together and ready to start tackling the big stuff. It’s gonna be OK.