How are things between Daddy and me, you might be wondering. Let me tell ya.
The therapist Daddy reached out to for help with his addiction has been wonderful. We’re yet to have our first session (next week, I think). How can she be great then? Her team put together a series of videos covering all sorts of topics around sex, love and porn addiction. They’re informational, science based, don’t push shame. They also focus a great deal on the effect the addiction has on the partner.
We had a number of personal breakthroughs just watching the videos together. We had a really bad sex attempt that triggered all sorts of anger, PTSD, and hurt on so many levels. It was horrible!!! We started watching the next set of videos following that. Voila! Learning about the neurological changes which occur from porn addiction hit Daddy over the head with things I’d been telling him for a very long time. The next video was about the partner trauma associated with the addiction.
He crumbled into tears as the realizations hit on every level just how serious his addiction is. The impact it has on him and me. He hit bottom. Ever have an emotional hangover? Yeah. That. We both had one after that day.
My experience watching these particular videos was hurt, fear, rage and acknowledging that once again I have to do trauma recovery work. I got the validation that what I have been experiencing and my reactions are on par to the situation. TRAUMA responses. I know the drill well.
The biggest hurdle was faced. My hurt and anger and his full realization of just how bad his addiction has been. It cleared the way for us to start really moving forward.
He’s been offline for a several months now. I’m starting to trust his behavior a tad. He’s under orders by the therapist to hit a SLAA (sex love addicts anonymous) meeting should he feel the impulse to act out.
We’re rekindling the DD/lg dynamic between us which brings us both so much joy and a connection that’s hard to describe. We play ball together, do MadLibs and pull out the board games. The time spent and fun together are increasing the intimacy and bringing back the attraction which had faded on my part. We’re having sex with regularity minus the drama that was part of it before.
Is our relationship healed? No. We have a great deal of work to do before I’d say we’re out of the woods entirely. There are a couple years worth of damage and mistrust to heal. I think we’re on the road with love and understanding. We’re both committed to making things right. We also share an understanding of what’s going on under the feelings and behaviors which makes it much easier to be kind and support one another.