The other day I posted about being battle ready with the trustee. Daddy and I walked into a face-to-face meeting with him on Tuesday. I was grounded, calm, cool, collected and incredibly prepared.
I walked in with a plan and legal documents and information backing me. I prepared a letter demanding action in areas he’s broken the law with California Probate Codes listed and notifying him that failure to comply would result in legal action against him. I was calm, respectful and professional.
Not only did he refuse to act in the ways necessary, his wife yelled at us twice. Upon the second time, I stood up telling them I’d see them in court and left. The looks on their faces were priceless.
Fast forward a couple days. I sought resources through my medical plan’s social workers. After a lengthy phone call today filled with resources, I hung up and called the District Attorney and Adult Protective Services. The DA transferred me over to the family law advocacy center where I was immediately assigned an advocate. She is preparing the proper verbage to assist me in filing a police report which will be forwarded to the DA. She works closely with APS and a number of other agencies.
I’ve needed help with this issue for a very long time. It’s huge and there’s so much financial abuse and wrong doing that I’m left without sufficient funds to help myself. The majority of probate attorneys don’t want to take a case with this much litigation… and certainly not without a minimum of $5,000 upfront. So far outside of my reach that I gave up for some time.
People who say anger isn’t useful aren’t very knowledgeable. Anger is a protective measure and motivates us to get things done. Self preservation plays a big part in anger. I needed to get ANGRY to move forward and seek assistance beyond my own immediate skill set and knowledge of what to do.
Each person I spoke with was more aghast at the abuse than the last. This is what I needed. Knowing it’s wrong and feeling it’s wrong is one thing. Having outsiders validate how awful something is goes a long way. Having people step up to help you because it’s wrong is an ever bigger validation.
I was near tears with gratitude and relief by the time I hung up the phone with the advocate. Finally someone on my side helping without an agenda! I can let some of the stress and responsibility go and know that I have help. Not only do I have help, but outsiders are aware of what’s going on and will step in as the law allows to help and protect me.
After a long, hard, emotionally draining week I can finally sit back and allow myself to trust that things are going to be OK.
Succulent Savage Says... 
I am so happy to hear you are getting the help you need! And I completely agree that Anger is indeed motivating. I get more done when I get angry than (most) any other time! Lastly, validation is such a super stress-relieving, happy sighing, kind of moment! I pray the next step will continue to get you down the right path that will lead to a positive resolution for you!! Many Hugs! ❤️
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Some anger is useful; too much anger is destructive. Stay angry for as long as you need it, but remember to let it go, when it’s done. Good on you! All the best…
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Thank you! Yes, I agree. There is good, healthy anger and unhealthy. Not allowing it to consume me.
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I’m so glad you reached out. Keep doing so……
Thinking of you and sending hugs
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As a relative newcomer to your blog, why do you have a trustee in the first place? Since this one seems lacking in honesty and integrity, how did he get chosen?
Btw, I’m so glad you are getting help. I hope this ends up being positive for you in the end!
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Good questions and thank you for asking. I don’t have a trustee. My mom opted to leave her house in a trust with a provision that I am to live in it rent free for the rest of my life. She made my brother trustee, but he was removed through a nasty court proceeding for not doing his job. (Like, when it was all said and done I had a court order allowing me to take HIS HOUSE should I have lost my mom’s home based on his actions.) The current fella was a friend of my mom’s and stepped up… free of charge. No experience and failed to seek legal advice. He’s made every mistake there is and caused harm to me, my siblings, the property itself, and the trust in general. Removing a trustee is very expensive and I haven’t had the funds to hire a lawyer to protect my interest. Just today, I was given a referral to an government oversight committee that I file a complaint with and they will look into it and potentially seek legal action in my defense. It’s a disaster. My mom never should have written the trust as she did, but it’s done and it can’t be changed without a court order and a bunch of money. Working hard to seek and get the legal assistance i need to do all of those things.
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Wow. I wish you lots and lots of luck. I guess my next question would be, why couldn’t you be the trustee?? But that likely is a long answer that is none of my business.
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Thanks, Hun. It’s actually simple, but shitty. My mom prohibited me from being trustee so there was no way my ex-husband would get any benefit from the house when we divorced. The lawyer she hired to do the trust wasn’t very skilled or knowledgeable. Sad for me. I’m in the works of getting things handled. 🙂
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That must have been exhausting, so well done!
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