Processing my thoughts and feeling on a public blog was not the route to go in saving or scrapping my marriage. I guess I finally decided to actively use the skill of restraint of pen and tongue. My words would have done damage on many levels based on how hurt and angry I was.
Where are we now? Per the title, we’re working it out. The first week was ROUGH!!!! Screaming, fighting, tears, strong boundaries set down and his wedding ring thrown in traffic gone forever. He sat with me as I looked through the damage done. He stopped defending his actions and lying. I watched his facade crumble as the realization hit home totally just how badly he’d hurt me and the damage he’s done. The risk of job loss and the layers of issues surrounding his addiction. For the first time ever he said he’s got a problem and needs help.
The words weren’t enough. This was the second time I’d caught him in the middle of his addiction. Dating profiles, hundreds of porn videos, online sex chats with others… all the while our sex life was virtually non-existent. His word means nothing in this area. He made a therapy appointment within days which referred him to a treatment center which provides therapy to us both. It was the action and follow through which set us on the path of working through it.
We’ve made a conscious effort to spend time re-connecting on the physical and emotional levels. Sometimes it’s easier than others… for both of us. We’re talking honestly about our feelings and experiences in a way we haven’t before. Sex is no longer a topic that brings fighting and distance.
We’re still a bit bruised, but we’re on the mend… together.