Working it out

Processing my thoughts and feeling on a public blog was not the route to go in saving or scrapping my marriage. I guess I finally decided to actively use the skill of restraint of pen and tongue. My words would have done damage on many levels based on how hurt and angry I was.

Where are we now? Per the title, we’re working it out. The first week was ROUGH!!!! Screaming, fighting, tears, strong boundaries set down and his wedding ring thrown in traffic gone forever. He sat with me as I looked through the damage done. He stopped defending his actions and lying. I watched his facade crumble as the realization hit home totally just how badly he’d hurt me and the damage he’s done. The risk of job loss and the layers of issues surrounding his addiction. For the first time ever he said he’s got a problem and needs help.

The words weren’t enough. This was the second time I’d caught him in the middle of his addiction. Dating profiles, hundreds of porn videos, online sex chats with others… all the while our sex life was virtually non-existent. His word means nothing in this area. He made a therapy appointment within days which referred him to a treatment center which provides therapy to us both. It was the action and follow through which set us on the path of working through it.

We’ve made a conscious effort to spend time re-connecting on the physical and emotional levels. Sometimes it’s easier than others… for both of us. We’re talking honestly about our feelings and experiences in a way we haven’t before. Sex is no longer a topic that brings fighting and distance.

We’re still a bit bruised, but we’re on the mend… together.

6 thoughts on “Working it out

  1. I know how hard this is first hand p. Some of our most honest and rawest moments of our marriage took place in the weeks following the rupture. It can be emotionally exhausting. But with continued efforts like you both have starting to happen here, this can be a start. Many hugs and prayers! Marie.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I pray that you will be successful in rescuing your marriage. Some people I know went through a near divorce before picking up the pieces and working to save it. They now all swear it was worth it. They have marriages that are enviable. I pray the same for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Honey. Honestly, it’s really hard some days, but I know it’s worth it. I know people who have done the same as you’re saying. I’m being called on to make a choice to be kind and love on a regular basis. Our D/s is virtually non-existent outside of the DD/lg component as it’s how we relate to one another…. how we LOVE each other. Thank you so much for the prayers and well wishes. It means a lot to have support for making a marriage work rather than scrapping it. Not the popular choice.

      Liked by 1 person

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