The last couple of days I’ve been especially honest in my reactions to people. I am finding more and more that I am most certainly my mother’s daughter! She was loved and respected by many… and intensely disliked by others. Daddy described my style of communication as a reality punch in the face earlier today. I tend to agree. There are those who love it and others who are threatened by me.
I am actually soft and cuddly and extremely loving. I’m patient and kind. More empathetic than most. With that said, I also say the things others won’t. My perspective on the world is different than the vast majority. There are many out there who find this to be extremely valuable.
I struggled with bipolar 1 disorder in my young adult years. I was a veritable roller coaster of emotions and extremely bad behavior…. much of which was dangerous to myself. Doctors told me and my mother that I’d never have a normal life. I’d never have friends, hold a job, finish college, have meaningful relationships. I’d be a shell of an individual and she could never expect me to function like my siblings. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!!!
In a true manic episode, I am no longer legally accountable for my actions. I have lost touch with reality in a way that I am not capable of truly knowing the consequences of my actions. This is the case with anyone who reaches the highest points of mania. Financially, I made a lot of really bad choices before I was adequately medicated. When I’d come back down and realize what I’d done and seek help, I was faced with the reality that I’d acted in ways that went against every moral fiber I have. My mother would help me find a way through it all the while telling me that MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR.
Let me tell you that was a big slap in the face! There are states I reach which leave me without the ability to make the right choice and she was telling me mental illness isn’t a excuse? Who the fuck did she think she was? How uncaring and judgmental can one be? You know what? SHE WAS RIGHT!!!
As a person with a disability, especially one which alters my mental state, it’s MY RESPONSIBILITY to create a safety plan. Take my medications as prescribed. Be honest about where I’m at. Seek help when I need it. Learn how to manage my disability. There are things outside my realm of control, but there is a hell of a lot I can do to reduce risk and damage.
In my family, there is no room for excuses. Direct feedback that’s not sugar coated is expected. Family holidays weren’t spent watching movies and laughing together. No! We played chess and spent the entire day in deep, intellectual debate. We love one another, though we’re not soft people.
In my career, my direct approach to feedback was cherished. I see wrongs and I call them out honestly and exactly how I see it. I had a co-worker talking negatively about a particular diagnosis in general terms and I called her on it in the middle of the staff meeting telling her with that attitude I wouldn’t want her caring for my family member. She left the meeting a sobbing, hysterical mess. I was praised by my supervisor and she took my words to heart.
If you want a friend that agrees with you on everything and is sweet and soft spoken…. I am NOT that person. If you want a loyal friend who will actually give you honest feedback and tell you when you’re making a mistake? Tell you when you sound ignorant or give you correct information… then I’m your person.
Unlike most people who are harsh and extremely direct, I look and ASK for feedback. How can I grow? What can I learn? I ask people I love and trust if I’ve gone too far expecting an honest answer. When I’m wrong, I will apologize.
I don’t blog seeking friends and a zillion followers. That’s now why I’m here. I blog because it makes me happy. It’s a creative outlet. Daddy enjoys my writing. I enjoy writing about myself and our dynamic. I share all parts of my life. I tried being friendly with a few people on WP and what I found was a number of really insecure people with problems. Not all, but a fair amount of them. Like me, follow me, read my blog… or don’t. I will not censor my comments or content to be easier on your ego.
I have a number of disabilities which I manage extremely well…. better than most. I am college educated. I worked in mental health side-by-side in the same job where all but one other co-worker had a Master’s degree in psychology/therapy. I read a lot. I base my opinions on knowledge, rather than what I pull out of my ass. I am married and have a solid relationship. I have friends who cherish me in the real world. So, if my posts and comments are a punch in the face… seems you have some growth to do.