i am an introvert of epic proportions. i love people, chatting, entertaining and all the like. i just can’t do it in large quantities. i need multiple hours a day of quiet time in order to recharge. i may be listening to music, cleaning, scrubbing the house, blogging, napping, gaming, running on the treadmill at the gym. The list of what is “quiet” and relaxing for me is endless. At the top of my list of things which exhausts me is the TV. It’s not the fact it’s noise at all, because i can listen to heavy metal and relax. It’s the talking. TV is non-stop talking.
i’m an extremely verbal person. i like to chatter and i think all the time. From the moment my eyes open in the morning until i drift off to sleep at night i have words going through my head and many of them come tumbling across my lips. Many of the activities i do settle the constant stream of thoughts and chatter. Listening to music is good because it’s background noise which distracts me without creating the need to focus. When i craft in any form my mind is directed in activity so i can find peace in my thoughts. i don’t find thinking and chatter stressful most of the time. i simply need to be able to have some control and direction over where my mind goes and how long i’m actively engaged.
i’ve mentioned that Daddy likes having the TV on all the time. Before we started living together, He even slept with the TV on at night. Heaven help me! i can’t relax. The change of shows and different sets of noises and voices wake me up. Yesterday we purchased the original TV series of Batman from 1966. He’s had it going non-stop since 10am today. No breaks. No commercials. No quiet at all. All the while He’s up moving around doing dishes and laundry and a whole host of other things while watching TV.
A couple hours ago i found myself getting crabby. i went upstairs for a nice hot shower. It helped some. i changed the bedding, started a load of bedding in the washing machine. i was exhausted. Exhausted like i’m getting sick kind of exhausted. my anxiety was shooting through the roof. i couldn’t stop and redirect the anxious thoughts on my own. i felt myself getting frazzled. Then it hit me not long before i started writing this post. SHUT THE TV OFF.
i’m quiet and not ready to explode. The pups are napping curled up next to me. Daddy’s napping on the sofa across from me. my mind is quiet. i can think. i can direct my thoughts and find the peace and quiet i need.
i asked Daddy this morning to help me carve out some quiet time for myself to prevent this level of exhaustion because i’m having trouble doing it for myself. The lesson i learned today is two fold. 1) i took time by myself upstairs. It wasn’t restful because i could still hear the constant TV noise and 2) just as i was starting to relax Daddy came up and got involved in my activity trying to help and be a good Daddy. All around, i didn’t get the quiet time i needed.
All of my life i was an only child raised by a single parent who was a quiet introvert. i had my own room my entire life. i go days and weeks without turning the TV on. i have quiet, more solitary hobbies just like my mom did. i’ve never lived with lots of people. i’ve never had to negotiate quiet time and space in my home. When i’ve lived with people they’ve been renters and lived by my rules or i’ve had partners who are similar to myself.
This isn’t new to me…. the tired vs over-stimulated from noise thing. i hate crowds based on the noise. i don’t like concerts for the same reason. Socializing wears me out. Social anxiety is not one of my things. Being overstimulated from constant stimuli is.
With Daddy home all the time for this period of time i need to work with Him to find a balance for both of us. my need for dedicated quiet time apart from Him isn’t a want. It’s a need in order to survive. Like right now is perfect. He’s right here, i still feel close as i do my own thing without the external noise bombarding me. i’m just about to a point of being ready for a bit of external noise again….