I struggled for the longest time to find the willingness and importance in doing this. Rants, bitch sessions, cussing people out can really feel good… in the moment. I’m far from saying that I don’t still CHOOSE to let a few people have an honest piece of my mind in the moment. A saint, I am not! For today, I am going to talk about this concept as it relates to my partners… especially as a submissive.
Like many others, I forgot for the longest time that how I talk about my spouse is what people are going to think about him. Good or bad. I reflect not only how I present myself to those around me, but also what our relationship looks like to others. This is a lesson, I’m sad to say, took far too long for me to grasp.
In the world of relationships, vanilla or kinky, we reflect our partners in how we act, what we say and do and most importantly…. how we speak about them. It’s always important to be kind and respectful of your partner when you’re talking about them to others. People remember what you say and how you talk about them. Like it not, it’s true. What I mean in a rant isn’t necessarily how I feel 99.99999% of the time. The rants seem to over shadow all of the good for many people. Not only do they judge him, but they judge me.
We all have that friend or acquaintance who seems to always bitch about their significant other. The closer we are to that person, the more protective we are of them and it’s natural to start disliking the partner based on what they tell us. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked a friend, “Why do you stay with him? You never say anything nice about him and you’re always unhappy”. I get the answer something along the lines of what a great guy he is, how much they love him, blah, blah, blah. Fact of the matter is… I hear so much bad stuff about some of these partners I can’t hardly stand to be in the same room with them! I’m also upset with my friend for staying in a crappy relationship and and and. This is probably familiar to most of us. There is another element that happens… I lose respect for the person who talks badly about their partner.
Back to me. A while back I opted not to hold my tongue and wrote an angry post about my husband. I even stated multiple times that I was venting and processing my emotions throughout the post. It didn’t matter. What happened was horrible! I learned a valuable lesson about how I talk about him. There was a reader who decided to seriously bad mouth my husband based on what I said. He wouldn’t stop. He insisted that he was right and so on and so forth. I opened up a can of worms which allowed someone to attack my husband, me, my relationship and reign a shit storm of drama into my life for a while. A number of budding friendships were lost in the course of this disaster.
I choose to live in a 24/7 D/s relationship where I’m submissive to my husband. The moment I chose to publicly bad mouth and complain about Him is the moment I broke the cardinal rule of being submissive. I don’t get to pick and choose when I’m going to respect Him and be submissive. I don’t get to publicly humiliate my Dom. There are consequences to that which are much farther reaching than whatever the actual words said are. To be really blunt, if I’m humiliating Him publicly and saying bad things about Him I’m telling the world that He’s a weak and ineffective Dom who can’t control His sub. I’m also publicly humiliating myself and showing myself not to be submissive. I’ve undermined His authority far beyond anything I could say to Him in an argument. These are the rules He and I chose to live by in our relationship. This was a seriously hard pill for me to swallow when I created the mess I did with the post airing my emotional state of anger and frustration with Him in a very public forum.
Relationships are hard. ALL OF THEM! They’re a blessing and a joy, but they also take so much work. Living in a full time D/s relationship of any kind adds layers of challenges which you can’t really know until you’re doing it. Being a Dom is a lot of responsibility and hard work. Being submissive is equally as hard… if not more so. Given the built in roles and rules of living any kind of D/s relationship, there isn’t room for a sub to speak badly of her Dom. I’ve learned to pick and choose what I post, how I phrase things and to process my frustration and anger in constructive ways which don’t damage my relationship and how others view the two of us. I’ve said it a thousand times, as Daddy’s sub… His property, I show the world His value. I can be a well trained show dog or I can be a rabid mutt. I’ve not met anyone in my life who chooses a rabid mutt.