Deep Thoughts at 2:30 am

I’m sitting in Daddy’s chair chatting with Him on/off throughout the night. We didn’t see each other much today. Honestly, hardly at all. Tuesdays are always like that, but this one seems more pronounced for some reason. The dogs are wrapped around each other in my usual spot on the sofa. All is quiet except for the hum of the fridge and the clicking of the keyboard. It’s peaceful. Right this moment the world seems right.

I can’t hardly stand social media or the news these days. There is so much fear that hatred and mud-slinging have become the norm rather than the exception. Everyone is stuck in their homes limited access to the outside world, so there is nothing new to say. Same jokes. Same stories. SSDD. We’ve become a country of housewives who are home with the kids all day long with no other meaningful activity. There comes that point where there is simply nothing left to contribute worthwhile. Conversations are drabble and antics about the kids, the house. Boring is the word I’m dancing around.

I’ve been slow to express what lies at the core of my belief system around the Coronavirus, as it will be uncomfortable for many. I see it as the elephant in the middle of the room that no one wants to talk about.

We humans are an arrogant species. We like to believe that we above the natural order of things. We tend to believe that we can control the world around us and have an almost omnipotent view of ourselves amidst the world we live in. This couldn’t be farther from the truth!!! All of our human planning does little to protect us from natural disasters, famines and yes…. pandemics. This is not the first pandemic in human history… and it will not be the last. President Trump, the Chinese government or anything else could not have stopped this disaster any more than a typhoon could be stopped. It’s sad! It’s frightening! We’re all being faced with our own mortality in a very real way. The truth of the matter is that many, many people will die. We can hopefully slow the spread of the virus, but we cannot control it. It’s so very tragic!!! I don’t wish ill on anyone. I quietly grieve each time I hear the statistics of the growing number of deaths. It’s heartbreaking and more frightening than most of us can wrap our mortal heads around.

At the end of the day, the only things each of has control over are how safe we are in protecting ourselves and each other and how we deal with our fear, grief and facing our own mortality. The rest of it is out of our hands. Literally. As a globe we’re on the Titanic together. Not all of us will make it, but many of us will.

I have been really working at being calm and keeping myself at peace. Do I worry every single time my husband leaves for work? Of course I do!!! Do I get a little tipped now and then? Sure. I’m human. I work at bringing myself back to center so I can get through the days and weeks of what’s to come. Radical acceptance is a tool I’m using on a regular basis right now. The reality is shitty! Let’s be honest. I don’t like it anymore than anyone else. I accept it so I’m not fighting it constantly. I have found some peace within myself that those I love, or even me, may not come through this. I work at enjoying the moment. That’s all we really have anyway. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn’t here yet. It’s cliche, but so very true. Cartoons, gentle movies, coloring pictures for Daddy. I avoid the news for the most part and all of the politics around this. They’re not helpful to me. They keep me riled up instead of calm and in the moment where my puppies are saddled up against my thigh snoring.

Be safe. Stay in the moment with me. Share what your calming moment look like in the comments. We’re all in this together whether we know each other or not.

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