Blunt isn’t always bad

So many people have the expectation that others will be gentle with their feelings and pussy foot around an issue. There’s also an expectation many people have that everything will be handled in private. I’m not wired that way. It’s not a bad thing.

The same supervisor that went through the hurt feelings aren’t always your fault alone routine with me, also had a similar therapeutic approach. We both believed in addressing things in the moment and it’s not necessary to do everything in private. Sometimes it’s helpful to bring something out into the open. Having a thicker skin is a good thing.

I used to be really sensitive and take everything personally, rather than looking at something as a growing opportunity… or think on what’s been said and decide it’s validity and the source. For years now I look forward to constructive criticism. I actually go in search of it. How I can grow in this area? What can I do better? Where am I lacking? How could I have handled this situation better? This outfit was an epic fail… why? If I ask a question, I expect an honest and direct answer.

I’ve been told that I have an incredibly strong sense of self along with remarkable self-esteem. It took me years to get there.

I’ve had people tell me I’ve been too harsh or blunt and it hurt their feelings. In that instance, I will immediately take a step back and redirect my approach on a topic. I can also be extremely gentle and sensitive. Sometimes there is validity to my harshness, other times it a matter of a personality conflict. I hold my tongue and sometimes end relationships when I find that someone isn’t open to honesty or I need to tip toe around their feelings all the time.

There are a number of people in my life who appreciate and rely on my directness.

I’m bold and direct. I’m honest to a fault. I’m loving and loyal. I’m also not everyone’s cup of tea. I have a very dark sense of humor and lean towards the inappropriate in most instances. I deal with the world differently than many people. I’m strong and opinionated. It’s who I am and how I’m wired. I don’t deal well with overly sensitive, needy people…. just as they don’t deal well with me. Neither is right or wrong… just not a match.

7 thoughts on “Blunt isn’t always bad

  1. Good post… I was taught it’s not what you say but how you say it…. Plus, I believe in treating others how I want to be treated. Thus, if I need to hear something, even if it’s not what I want I want to hear, I rather have a person to pull me to the side and tell me me directly what it is by giving me constructive feedback.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I believe in treating people how I want to be treated. Of course I use discretion in what I say publicly versus in private. Not everything has to be said in private.

      Most of my career was in mental health. I taught communication skills and healthy interactions, including conflict resolutions. Sometimes the best way to teach is to model.

      Kindness and directness are not mutually exclusive.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. At the far end, “Your just too sensitive” is code for “I can be rude to you and deflect the blame back to you”. Being a sensitive personality I’ve heard that a lot when I have verbalized my feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with your statement about being too sensitive. I’m not saying that I’m rude and hurtful on purpose and that I don’t take people feelings into consideration. I do!! Very much so. There are those I’ve met in my life who want to stay in really unhealthy patterns and want me to lie to them and support them in bad behavior blindly. This is where I draw the line. I draw my line of how I interact with people on who they are, how they deal with things, and what my role is in their life. I have friends who don’t get it at all when I am gentle and sensitive. They need me (and have asked) that I be direct, blunt and to the point. It’s something they appreciate in me and know that what I say always comes from a place of caring and honesty. I treat others as I’d want to be treated.

      I think this post was poorly written, as my intention has been misinterpreted a couple times.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think it’s a fine post and well written enough. My comment was not directed at you personally, as you and I are fairly new friends still getting to know each other. I was just making sure there was no doubt about this part as some consider license to have a hair trigger then excuse themselves.

        Liked by 1 person

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