TPE (Total Power Exchange) is the ultimate level of Dominance and submission there is. i will be writing from the submissive stance, giving my position in my D/s relationship. As the word total implies, it’s giving control of every part of your life to the care of your Dominant. Far more than the clothing you wear, who you speak to and where you go, the type of sex you have. We’re talking about total control over your body, health, finances. There is no aspect of the subs life in which they retain control. This is a huge and very serious commitment on both sides of the lash. i don’t want to judge what others do or don’t do. i simply want to ramble a bit about my thoughts, limits and life experience as it pertains to the topic of TPE.
For many reasons, Daddy and i would never go as far as TPE. We live 24/7 with Him having the ultimate say with very few exceptions. Part of the reason for us not going TPE is the type of dynamic we have. i am submissive and have many, many slave tendencies, however i am a little above all else. Being a little is my core personality in my relationships. i am also an alpha sub. i have a strong personality and am powerful in my own right. i speak up and always will. i’m not able or willing to change that part of me and it’s also one of the things He loves about me. He told me early on that He could never be with a woman that’s so obedient that she has nothing to offer aside from service. That certainly isn’t me!!!
One of the best compliments i’ve ever been given was by a former Dominant. He told me that i’m a challenging sub and an experienced Dom couldn’t handle me. i beamed with pride telling Him i took that as a compliment. He affirmed that it was meant as such. 😉 i am loyal and obedient, but it takes a great deal of work for a Dom to earn that level of trust and He must maintain it or i’ll give Him a run for His money. Believe it or not, there are many Doms out there who enjoy this dynamic. TPE would never work for a sub like me. The Dom that gave me this awesome compliment tried implementing TPE and it went poorly. Poorly is a vast understatement!
Daddy & i had a conversation last night about financial submission. This is one of those areas in our relationship where He does not have the ultimate word in all things. Both of us came from families with abusive fathers and lived with our mothers trying to escape domestic violence with young children along with supporting us after getting out. This shaped both of us in many ways, as you can imagine. Financial dependence is one of the key factor in women being trapped in DV relationships. Daddy would never allow me to be totally dependent and kept in the dark to protect me. Let me shift gears a bit now. Daddy is the primary bread winner. We have total transparency about our finances. We share joint accounts. We discuss how our money is spent and particularly big ticket items.
Daddy doesn’t wish to have control over my clothing and hair. One of the things He liked about me initially was my sense of style and how i put myself together. We shop together. When i ask Daddy what He’d like me to wear at any given time, He always tells me to surprise him because He knows i’ll stun Him. i’ve never failed to please. 😉 There are certain outfits which i’m only allowed to wear when He is with me. Daddy allows me total freedom with my hair, as well. Permanent modifications to my body, such as tattoos, piercings, and the like He must approve.
One area which He has total control is where i go, when and with whom. There are activities which i don’t need His specific permission, though i must always let Him know where i am, how long i’ll be, with whom, and when i return. Aside from those, i must ask His permission. Daddy is my protector and it’s my job to serve His needs. When He has denied His permission, the reasons has always come down to one of those reasons. He wants me home to be available to Him or He has a safety concern. Daddy never tells me no without a reason which enables me to maintain my submission in this area without fail.
Taking sexual matters into consideration, TPE is not an option for either of us. Yes, even the strictest Master respects their submissive as a person and has their best interest at heart. The idea of being totally available to Him 24/7 for His use is a wonderful fantasy and hot as Hell to me. The reality of this triggers trauma in awful ways and would destroy our relationship. i’ve been raped 3 times and been bullied into sex by my ex husband more times than i can tell you. Being expected to perform sexually when i am not expressly in the mood is a sure fire way for me to have rape PTSD stuff come up and find yourself accused of raping me. It’s ugly all around. This doesn’t mean that i won’t meet His needs at all when i’m not in the mood. It comes down more to respecting my (safeword) RED when i say no. Daddy is 100% for willing active participation and isn’t turned on by fucking a woman who isn’t totally into it.
i can see some great things to being in a TPE relationship. i’m a firm believer that if it’s consensual between two adults who have the full understanding of what they’re choosing and they like it… go for it. i may not understand it or like it, somethings may even kinda gross me out, but i’m not the one doing it. TPE is just not a good fit for either of us. We have areas where we get pretty close, but overall…. i am Daddy’s little girl and His partner. We give and take within the power exchange to enhance the strengths of each of us and honor the positions we have. Daddy wants and needs to dominate through love, guidance, protection, taking care of me, teasing my desire and need to serve and submit in and out of the bedroom. i want and need Him to be the rock which holds our family together just as i need to submit and serve a man who loves and protects me, takes care of me, adores the little in me and what it means to be a my Daddy, and is a powerful, demanding lover. Our choices and limits fit us as a couple. i know i skipped areas of submission with the D/s and TPE spectrum. i hit the ones that came to my mind first and have the greatest impact on our thinking and dynamic.