Everyone has a different stance on the use of capitalization when writing within and about their D/s relationship. What i’ve discovered over time is that something so simple as using upper case letters when talking to or about Daddy and lower case about myself helps me remember my place as His submissive. It also helps to keep my thoughts on submission and my service to Him. Something so simple makes a great deal of difference.
When Daddy and i first began O/our journey (my preferred method, though i rarely use it anymore…. too much work), He called me Kitten. The name hasn’t changed, but the capitalization has. Seeing Him use a capital letter on His name for me felt and looked… wrong. It hit two different levels. The first is like reading a sentence which has poor grammatical structure. It’s just not right. The second hit a feeling place for me. i am HIS! His little, His kitten. Part of using the lower case for me is showing His dominance over me. It’s also respecting my place as His sub.
It took some time for me to say anything, though it felt awkward and wrong. When i asked Him to use the lower case letter and explained to Him why, He couldn’t have been more delighted. It actually sent those special tingles through Him. There has never been a capital missed on my part or a lower case on His since. We chat quite extensively still in His downtime at work. 🙂
Writing publicly about the kink elements of our relationship, i cannot imagine not using the capitalization system to denote our roles. i work at never disrespecting Daddy, but certainly not in public! i am always a reflection of Him. The power exchange portion of our relationship is first and foremost. i am His wife, His love, His best friend… and all the rest. Our relationship is structured by the power exchange. We started as D/s and got married. How we communicate and make decisions start with a foundation of the power exchange. There is no situation in which i am not His kitten. Failing to show this to the world, particularly when i share the kinky parts of our life together is purely disrespectful.
i find that in my vanilla descriptions of our life together, i go back and forth between the two. D/s capitalization and normal vernacular spelling. i don’t have rhyme or reason as to why and when, though topic seems to play a role. There’s a small element of practicing for the occasions when it’s simply not appropriate to call Him Daddy in the real world. Those instances are few and far between, though they do exist.
When i first entered the BDSM scene, i didn’t understand the need… and certainly not the desire… to consistently use capitalization to denote the power exchange. i began to understand it as i read the writings of subs and slaves talking about their relationships with their D-types. i saw the love, honor and respect for them. i also saw how adored and protected they felt. It was beautiful! It took time for me to transition into using the system full time myself. (Breaking typing habits come hard!)
One of the misconceptions i had about being a sub/slave and using the capitalization system is that i would be lessoning myself in some way. A self-esteem issue. i can’t explain it exactly. So many things are packed into vanilla thinking about the BDSM world and feminism which are totally wrong. What i found in doing it with Daddy is that i am more for proclaiming myself His. i am still Jodie with all that entails. Being His sub adds value to my life. He builds me up and sees the very best in me. Being respectful to Him, even in such a simple way, adds to my self-confidence and the beauty of who we are as a couple. i am not, in any way, less for being His submissive. It’s the best part of me. Time revealed that.
For those of you in D/s or M/s relationships, i’m curious what your style and thinking is on the subject. i’d love to read your comments and thoughts!
Thanks for reading this rambling post on a subject dear to my heart. ♥ jodie