I’m not happy

Been up almost all night. Coughing, not able to lay down at all, ruminating about the stress in my life and all the things which are adding to it. I finally journaled it all out. Not the stuff to post of WordPress. The stuff you keep private to yourself until it can be sorted out and dealt with effectively.

My lungs hurt. Feels like there’s an elephant on my chest. I’m coughing up green mucus now and then. It’s awful. Hot tea helps. Honey vanilla chamomile is choice for this morning. Soothing, warm, no caffeine. lol Somehow I think caffeine is among the last things I need right now.

Honestly, I’m REALLY tired of my life as it is right now. I can’t do it much longer. I’m not suicidal in the least!!! No, wanting to run away and leave everything behind is where I’m at. Leave my house in it’s torn up state which I cannot fix without a lawyer. Forget about the financial stresses of needing the lawyer and my 7 year fight with Social Security for payments. Leave the struggles of isolation behind. Go somewhere new where I have no history and can truly start over. Everything is new. Everyone is new. Life is new. Start over in a home (whatever that may be) which is fully functional and in good repair.

Yes, everywhere you go there you are. I’m beyond aware. I’m also aware that some problems are totally out of our control and moving on is the answer. I’m just not sure how to go about it. I’m so tired of feeling stuck!! I need someone to swoop down and help solve this. Unfortunately, my husband isn’t stepping up at the moment. Overwhelm and exhaustion have impacted him, too.

I’m tired. I’m so sad I can’t begin to tell you. I don’t feel good. I’m angry. I’m lost. I just don’t know how to fix this one and it keeps snow balling at every turn. Every right things I’ve done has ended in a road block and more frustration. At what point do you give up trying to solve a problem??

Happy weekend? lol It won’t be this awful all day… or even for the next couple hours. Emotions pass like waves. Tidal waves and rip tides, but waves. Hope each of you finds something which brings you joy today. I’ll search until I do.

11 thoughts on “I’m not happy

    1. Thanks. I’m also dealing with my marriage being completely sexless for a couple months now. Not the first time. It’s been a battle all along. It’s really getting to me. I’m more depressed and upset about that than the life events. LIFE happens, but it’s so much easier to deal with when your relationship is on point and your needs are being met. I’m preaching to the choir. I know. This is the main reason I haven’t been blogging lately. There’s nothing to blog about.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. So sorry things are so right right now. I know how tough it can be to feel stuck, and wish for something else. It’s especially hard when you feel like you don’t have any control over the situation.
    I have a good friend who is a life coach. She helps people push past road blocks and create the reality they want, primarily though asking questions.
    So here some questions for you to think on. šŸ™‚ Hope it helps. ā™„ļø
    What will staying where you’re at do for you? What will leaving do for you?
    What things can you change around you right now? What’s the first step? What can you leave behind or move away from? What new act of submission can you perform for your Dom? How are you using your personal strengths daily? What things bring you joy, and how often to you do them?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wishing you a turn of events for the better. I am so sorry you’re going through all of this. The worst feeling ever is a downward spiral in which you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel šŸ–¤ā¤

    Liked by 2 people

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