It’s easy being submissive from a distance…

I’ve written quite a bit about my past D/s relationships. Online only, long distance and ultimately shifting my LDR with Daddy to a 24/7 D/s relationship. I can tell you that it’s way easier being submissive from a distance than living it all the time!

Daddy and I don’t have a full fledged TPE (total power exchange) dynamic, though there certainly are more things that way than not. I’m a good girl, very obedient, so the level of control He exerts on a regular basis doesn’t feel restrictive. When I step out of line…. I know!

Daddy says it was harder being a long distance Dom. I think that some of the things which made it harder for Him made it easier for me to be submissive with the distance.

When we were long distance I lived a very independent life. I went places, did things, interacted with people, handled problems, payed bills… you know, I lived. Though I shared just about everything with Him much of it was after the fact. He wasn’t here to handle things or dictate how things go, so I did them. This one is a mixed bag. Parts of it were harder! The lack of support can be intimidating at times. On the other hand, not having to answer to Him or obey His decision should I not like it was so much easier!

It doesn’t matter how much of your lives you share when you’re long distance, the D/s dynamic remains at the forefront much easier than when you’re living it 24/7. Like I said before, you’re not dealing with real life together all the time. Your time together is much more valuable. You don’t have the luxury of napping together, going to the movies, grocery shopping or bickering about shutting a light off. You focus on the of you, your dynamic. Without all the other stuff to contend with and focusing your time as much as possible there’s an increase in the kink dynamic. Orders given, permission asked, photos shared, following your relationship routines, punishments, playful banter, and… the almighty BDSM sexual components. There are still your vanilla conversations which are the glue of your relationship, but even within them your protocols are easier to follow and shine through stronger.

Now let’s talk about when you’re upset with your dom or vice versa. Phone calls end easily. Texting hides a multitude of sins! You can turn your phone/computer off. When you’re not speaking in a live conversation you have the option of editing what you send in response. You can scream, make faces, flip him off, get a drink…. all without Him knowing. When you have this luxury it’s SOOO much easier to be obedient and respectful… even when you’re not all the way there. I haven’t met a sub yet who hasn’t been in trouble for her tone, how things are phrased or the look on her face. He may know you’re rolling your eyes at him, but he can’t punish you for something he can’t see! I call this submission via damage control! When you’re sitting in the same room with your dom there isn’t the luxury of editing or not being seen. You either handle yourself well in the moment or you don’t. We all know the consequences for not.

Part of the structure of a D/s relationship are the assigned tasks given to a sub. A good dom will balance them with what you have going on in your life, give you passes as necessary, and have a mandatory minimum no matter what’s going on (with necessary exceptions). Ideally, both of you agree on these things together. The tasks associated with being a long distance sub are significantly fewer than those of a 24/7 sub! When you’re doing the LDR thing and things get to be too much it’s easier to talk about them. It can be a mixed bag of understanding on both parts, but basically it’s easier to take a step back and negotiate changes. When the two of you are in the thick of real life and things get to be too much it can be harder, if not impossible at times, to back off on your responsibilities. In my experience, often when life is insane and too much it falls on the sub to pick up additional slack so the dom can hold things together in other areas. It can be a serious challenge to maintain the level of respect required when things get hard.

When you’re in a LDR the D/s element of your relationship can act like a break from real life stressors at times. Conversely, I’ve heard many people in 24/7 relationships talk about it and I’ve experienced it myself, the D/s dynamic goes dormant when things get too hard in real life. It takes a tremendous amount of work to maintain the level of structure required by both people living it full time. Even though there is relief in the dynamic at times it feels like too much work to keep it going. The level of energy required to keep a long distance D/s relationship going is substantially less than living it all the time.

I’m the first person to say that the feelings for a dom in a LDR (even online only) are exactly the same as those for a full time 24/7 dom. When you have distance, time apart and don’t have the real life distractions in your relationship all the time it’s simpler to feel submissive, maintain that feeling and act on it. There’s a true beauty in living a submissive life which I wouldn’t trade for anything! It’s just harder to maintain the level of submission and devotion to your submission when you live it every second of every day with accountability at every single turn.

3 thoughts on “It’s easy being submissive from a distance…

  1. That’s exactly why I’ve only done D/s sparingly. It’s a beautiful thing, but truthfully, I have a mouth on me that I cannot stop when I feel disrespected, angry, hurt, or any of the above. It’s hard to keep in check.

    Maybe I am just a shitty sub, lol!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No judgments, Harley!!! There aren’t good subs and bad subs. Not everyone is cut out to or wants to do full time. I think there’s also the right Dom for the right sub. I fought with my last dom all the fucking time!!! I was constantly in trouble for my mouth. I don’t just lay down and accept whatever. I’m not that girl. He wasn’t right for me. Next!!! Along came Daddy. We’re not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but we work together as D/s exquisitely. I’m more than a little bratty. Gotta have room to breathe and be myself. Nothing wrong with that. šŸ˜‰


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