Gotta say, it’s been a Hell of a day!!! I woke up in such a good mood this morning. Things felt manageable and like life was going back to normal. Then I got out of bed. LMAO Well… not that fast, pretty damn quickly things shifted really bad. After a few hours, I’m pretty much back on track to things feeling ok again.
I haven’t had contact with any of my family since my mom died in 2015. Today I found out that my older sister, Lorrie, died a number of years ago. I saw a picture of her. I didn’t recognize her!!! 😦 First of all, the last time I saw her she was 32 and I was 13. She was in her early 60’s in this picture. Her birthday is coming up in a few days… 11 November. She lived with paranoid schizophrenia that made her life horrible. Now there are better treatments and ways to make life better, but in her era… there was not. She died of colon cancer. I always hoped that one day I’d get to know her. She had schizophrenia from the time I was born. She was my sister. I’m sad. I’m sad that I didn’t know her. That I couldn’t help her. That I never will know her more than I did as a very little girl.
Daddy saw me tearing up and stood up ready for me to fall into His loving arms for a big hug. He just held me and told me it’s OK. There was nothing more anyone can say. Just… I know you’re sad and that’s OK. I didn’t expect to be as sad as I am. He said, “Of course you are. She’s your sister.”
I’ve had no contact with ANY of my family. My beautiful nieces and nephews included. That saddened me even more today. Daddy told me He thinks I should reconnect with them. I did just that. I sent Facebook friend requests out to the kids. Two of them have accepted so far. I’d love to see the kids. All of them!!! It’s been so long. They’re all grown up now!!! I mean, they were adults the last time I saw them, but now they’re all in their mid to late twenties with the oldest being 33 now!! Where does time go??
Makes me ask myself where I went wrong in my life that I’ve chosen not to talk to any of my family at all. I understand my brothers. The relationships were always hard and unhealthy. The kids are innocent. One of my favorite things in life has always been being an auntie!! I was donned “Cool Aunt Jodie” by my oldest niece. lol You know the aunt… the one you can talk to about all the stuff you’d never tell your folks. The one you’ll get honesty from about everything. I’m the aunt who’d tell you like it is, while encouraging you to try whatever it is you want. Just be careful!!! Tell you how to keep yourself safe.
As I’m writing this, I just got a message back from my youngest niece telling me how happy she is to hear from me and that she’d LOVE to see me. OMG!!! I literally have tears running down my face!!! ♥ I just asked Daddy if He’s ready to be an Uncle. lol There are no kids in His family. His sister’s dog is His nephew. 🙂 Somehow, I think He will. He will make the coolest uncle there is!!! OMG!!!! Today just went from one of the shittiest days to one of the best in a matter of a few minutes. I’m not going to tell you about the other shit that happened today, because this just cancelled it all out!!! ♥
Daddy said He’ll happily accept the title of St. Stephen of Grouchy Kittens. lol 🙂 I have the BEST husband in the world!!! He always knows just what to do to make me feel better. Sometimes it’s an ice cream, others a nap, sometimes I just need Him to be there. Today… I needed Him to hug me and help me reconnect with loves lost. Thank You, Daddy!!! ♥ I love You!