Reminiscing

Daddy & i have been traipsing down memory lane about our journey together as the one year anniversary of Him moving to California draws near. Tonight i’m remembering how hard it was parting after our first week together knowing i had months to go before we’d be together again. i want to share a bit of this.

i’ve shared before that Daddy and i met online. We established our relationship and our dynamic over hours of chatting and even longer phone calls. Daddy’s a bit of a techno-peasant, so video chatting wasn’t an option. Ugh! Honestly, that it made it so much harder being long distance. But, i digress. lol We had a solid Daddy/little girl relationship.

From the moment i stepped out of the cab meeting Daddy things felt right. There was no transition. No awkwardness at all. i didn’t realize it, but i slipped into little space almost immediately and stayed there the entire week we were together. i’d never been little in real life with a Daddy before. i slipped naturally between subby and little. i didn’t know just how freeing it is! i got to relax and let Daddy handle things. He planned our days. He took care of me. There was no stress. No worries. i had a week long sample of what our life was going to be like. What it is today.

The day before i came home i begged Daddy to come with me or let me stay longer!! i knew that going home by myself was going to be really hard. i’d tasted what living with Him was going to be like and i couldn’t imagine going back to being apart. i didn’t feel “little”, per se. i felt safe, loved… like i belonged. i anticipated the feeling of loss, missing Him, being sad. i had no clue what it was going to be like to actually be apart!!!

Our final day together was hard. Really hard!! We spent most of the day kissing, cuddling, making love one last time. i couldn’t contain my tears as we sat on the stairs waiting for the cab. Daddy was calm, gentle, soothing. He was Daddy! It was excrutating for both of us!!! Getting in that cab was the hardest thing i’ve ever done in my life. i cried most of the 5 hour flight home.

It wasn’t so bad the first couple of days after i got home. There was still the rush of just having been together. i was unpacking. Full of stories to tell my friends. i was beaming with excitement as i told my roommate we’d gotten engaged while i was there. i was too busy adjusting to being home to feel the full effect of His absence.

Then it hit. A ton of bricks fell on me crushing me in the deepest, darkest sub drop i’ve experienced! i don’t consider this a sub drop. It was more like a little drop. Life went back to normal and i had to be big. i had to deal with things all alone again. i didn’t have the emotional safety of Daddy being right there. i didn’t have Daddy insisting that He go places with me. i couldn’t snuggle up in His arms and giggle and play. i felt more alone than i have in my entire life!! It wasn’t a few hours… or even a couple of days. This lasted for a couple of weeks until i began to settle back into our LDR routine and find ways of coping with the intense loss i felt.

There were only a couple of months between my coming home and Daddy moving out. Seemed like it was forever! lol Both of us made teary phone calls a couple times just needing to hear the other’s voice, know that we’re loved and say it hurts being apart. Daddy would pull Himself together as quickly as possible and apologize for crying, saying it’s not Daddy-like. The one thing He’s said i couldn’t disagree with more. Showing His love for me and being vulnerable… that’s the mark of a good Daddy!!

Daddy moved on October 24, 2018. Almost a year. 🙂 From the moment He stepped off the plane and pulled me in His arms… all was right in the world again. i was Daddy’s little girl! We slipped naturally into our Daddy/kitten feelings and roles like not a moment had passed. The rest is history. ♥

No matter how stressful things are and how out of whack life gets… as long as Daddy’s here it’s still better!!! i forget sometimes just how hard it was being long distance. i couldn’t spend a full day apart from Him now. i love Daddy more than i can ever put to words!!! He knows. He loves me the same way.

Thank You for being my Daddy!!! ♥

6 thoughts on “Reminiscing

  1. Oh my gosh, Jodie, that’s heart wrenching. I can feel your story like I’ve already experienced it. Our LDR has been for four years, six month, today! People hear that and can not believe it’s lasted that long. LDRs are hard. Very. You know that well! He and I just spoke a few days ago about possibly meeting for Christmas this year!! I’m ecstatic about the possibility, but yes…you just spoke the devastatingly hard part about it. Leaving each other. It is something He said He couldn’t do, hence why we have not met yet. In other words, once we meet, life begins TOGETHER. Yet, to spend another Christmas apart, both in loneliness….wow, that’s a tough one. Your words really helped me focus on that. I know we will have very similar feelings to you both. A feeling of being united with your other half. Of that connection you’ve waited your whole life for. Thank you for sharing what you did.

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