Jealousy & Communication

Jealousy is one of those traits in a partner I find reproachable. I’m a submissive. I’m a little. When I’ve committed to a man, I’m HIS. His property and I’m loyal to a fault. I typically bore people with how much I talk about Daddy and our relationship and our time together. Any man that I commit to holds a dear spot in my heart where loyalty, devotion and adoration are unquestionable for me. I see jealousy as insecurity and more than that.. a lack of trust in me. Conversely, I love a man who’s fairly possessive and protective. There are distinct differences between the two.

A couple times now Daddy has expressed jealousy and hurt when I’ve spent time with my bestie. Had coffee or a bite to eat with him while Daddy’s at work. I’m going to tell you how bad things were along with how we resolved it.

Last night it started with the look He gave me when I made a comment about the outfit I was wearing. It wasn’t what He said, but more what He didn’t say that left we wondering what I’d done wrong. Had I dressed inappropriately? Was my t-shirt too tight? Did I look terrible? Did I not please Him? I ran down the list in my head of every possible scenario of what could be wrong with the outfit I had on.

Finally I asked Him. What came pouring out was worse than anything I thought. He was jealous and hurt that He wasn’t the first one to see my outfit. He didn’t feel like I’d dressed to please Him… that He was an after thought… a third wheel. He continued on that He was jealous that I was doing fun things with someone else while He was working. It should have been Him. The guilt got layed on thick that I was out having fun without Him while He was working.

If you haven’t picked it up from my tone already, I have NO EMPATHY for this reaction at all. It hits that spot inside of me that snaps “Deal with your shit. It’s not mine!” and I’m not able to be tolerant of jealousy like this. I think I actually said these exact words to Him last night. I can be empathetic to hurt, disappointment, sadness, loneliness… a whole slew of other emotions. Hell, I could have dealt with anger that I was doing things without His express permission or He felt disrespected. Knowing myself, I wouldn’t have liked it, but I would have heard His point of view and sought His forgiveness… most likely in tears very shortly after He said it.

Now, because I wasn’t able to be kind and empathetic to His feelings we fought. We fought quite a bit. For the first time in our relationship we went to bed with an unresolved fight. We’d reached the point of saying I love you, but that’s about it. I tried to resolve it last night, but He wasn’t quite ready and it stung me once again making me pull away more. It was icky!!!

I stayed up several hours after He went to bed knitting. I’m knitting Him slippers. The repetitive motions focused on the stitches are like meditation. I calmed down… finding peace in the situation. I find, too, that when I’m angry or hurt by something Daddy does… doing service for Him helps me come back to center and find peace.

We woke up this morning with hugs and kisses. I snuggled into His chest and apologized for hurting His feelings. He apologized back. The start of the mending had begun. A little later, I suggested that we should negotiate and talk about outside relationships. Friendships. How they’re handled on both sides. What hurts and how to avoid it.

Daddy agreed and said He’d give some thought to what His needs are. He also said He was overly sensitive and unreasonable last night. Hard night at work compounded by a change in routine. We thanked each other for hearing the other’s need and ended the conversation with a big hug followed by a nice day full of giggles and fun.

Through all of the hurt feelings and the arguing, we did both hear the needs of the other. We don’t argue often. Actually, I can count on one hand how many arguments we’ve had. We always find the solution… even if it takes a couple go around on the same topic before we resolve it. Last night sucked. I don’t want another one like that… ever! I get to do some self reflection at my actions and how to be more sensitive to Daddy’s feelings. How to ask for what I want and need in a way that doesn’t cause hurt. Seek ways of having that much needed friend time so that it doesn’t hurt my relationship. Hopefully He’ll do the same.

I love You, Daddy!!! ♥

3 thoughts on “Jealousy & Communication

  1. When a guy is jealous, then that is his issue to deal with, and he should never let his jealousy show. Anyhow, jealousy is a manifestation of underlying insecurities, maybe going back to childhood.
    Trust me. I know. ❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

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