Getting angry today and taking action was more than getting insurance matters moving and saying enough is enough to things outside. It was also looking at MY home in shambles and saying NO MORE!!!! I can’t live like this!!! I WON’T live like this!
It may seem silly that neither of us have thought to do it before, but honestly, when you’re waiting for fucking forever to have your home put back together there’s a point at which it feels hopeless. Hard to do the basic things to keep your home up when it seems like it’s always going to be torn up waiting for the next set of things to be done. So, for the past month and half we’ve lived with all of our furniture pushed up against one wall in the main room. No use of our kitchen. Hardly a table to eat on because it was piled with all kinds of random stuff. Our dishwasher AND stove standing in the middle of the dining room. Hard to see past all of this and find things to make it better. Overwhelm kicked in and kicked both of our asses.
So this morning I asked Stephen if we can shove the stove back into the kitchen. Done before he left for work! Dishwasher moved into a corner where it’s not making the entire room useless. I put things away. Threw other away. Our house actually looks a bit more like us…. like WE live here. Both of us have some serious OCD tendencies and this entire situation has wreaked havoc on us in more than one way!
Tonight, for the firs time in weeks, I’m sitting in my computer chair at my desk in it’s designated spot! There is a semblance of order and normal. In a little while, I’ll preheat my ACTUAL oven and bake a lasagna for Daddy & I to eat when he gets home from work.
I needed a reminder that I’m a fighter…. and that fighting takes many forms.