Unmanageable

It’s been a month and almost a week since my house went BOOM. Hot water pipe burst in the slab under the house. We went just a day or two under a month with no water in the house. In and out of hotels as we dealt with insurance. The struggle to get a plumber in. Now that the plumbing is done, the house is still totally torn up. There’s been no kitchen at all, floors or bathroom downstairs since July 14th.

For me, this is totally unmanageable. Makes me cry to get honest about the effect it’s having on me. I need routine and stability to not only thrive, but survive.

I’m starting to battle depression and finding it hard to do even the basic things I can around the house. I don’t want to get out and do things. I just want to hide inside and bury myself in tv shows that make me feel good and color and knit and anything that gets me outside of my head and feelings. The whole situation is putting me in a position where I don’t feel terribly safe. EVERYTHING feels unmanageable and there is no end in sight for me to hold onto.

Daddy is tired from the stress and the constant drama of this disaster. He’s crabby, too… like me. He’s carrying even more weight because I just can’t bring myself to do much. I bit back tears as He left for work today because I feel guilty that I’m not doing more, knowing He needs me to… and I feel like a total failure at the moment. I don’t even want to go walk Ruffi with my friend today. I just want to hide from the world and wait til things are better.

Putting me under constant stress with little to no routine or normal comforts of home for a long period is a recipe for me to fall apart and not want to leave my house and feel helpless. I’m not all the way there yet, but I’m on the way. It’s getting harder and harder to stay out of the depression. Hardest part is there is NOTHING I can do to bring the situation at hand to an end. I am helpless in an unmanageable situation… it’s not only how I feel… there’s truth to it. After a month, I’m struggling to cope with this insane situation.

8 thoughts on “Unmanageable

  1. I wanted to send you a great big hug because I can relate to that feeling all too well. April 2016 my kitchen caught fire and I had to decant my home for 8 weeks while it was repaired. I ended up sleeping on an air mattress on my parents’ dining room floor with no privacy and no home comforts. As you can imagine, it was a far cry from perfect.

    I know it’s hard, but try to focus on what you can control, and allow the rest to just ‘be” You can walk Ruffi (Hugo says hi, by the way lol :p ) and you can do some chores. Be gentle on yourself and allow yourself to find and make a routine. I found that just making the bed and doing the washing up in the morning helped me to change gears. It was an accomplishment, and from there I was able to visit the park, go to the shops and so on. Start small and recognise that even the smallest thing you do right now is a step in the right direction 🙂 x

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    1. Thank you! ♥ I soaked in a bubble bath, which was 2 part… 1) destink myself *lol* and 2) therapeutic… a long time coping skill of self comforting.

      Plans to take Ruffi for a walk in about a half hour with my bestie. I don’t have to be “on” with him. Super important. ♥ Hi Hugo! Post a picture of him? I have lots of Ruffi up here.

      Make the bed, wash a few dishes in the bathroom sink upstairs before Daddy gets home and that’s about the extent of my day. The little things make a difference. Do them because it good for me and not because I want to.

      I so needed to vent and say it hurts and I’m struggling. Takes so much of the pain and struggle out of it. Allows me to begin moving forward. Thank you for being here. ♥ Jodie

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      1. Jodie,
        A bath? What’s a bath? I have showers. I don’t get enough time to myself for bubbles lol, always something that needs doing or some soul that needs saving.

        It’s really good that you have friends like that. Unfortunately, the only person who really notices apart from Sir is my Mum, and she can be a bit excessive. I was going to wear my slippers to court because I wear them most days because of pain, she was going to tell them I wear them because of anxiety. When I said no, just pain, she said it was both. Beginning to regret asking her to come and support me now lol. I shall do! Penny wants me to share some of my recipes as well so I will be adding pages for it all maybe tomorrow. I think I’ve done enough posting and changing for one day!

        Exactly it, it’s about doing what you can at times like these. Like I say, be gentle to yourself and see it as a stepping stone to bigger and better things, You will get there 🙂

        Talking always helps. It’s true as then saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. Never forget that xx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Trying to get rid of me now lol, I’m just sorting my links before I forget and today’s work becomes a mass of hidden typing :p Right? I couldn’t believe it when Mum said I take my slippers on vacation because of my anxiety. No, I take my slippers on vacation because I am a creature of comfort 😛 lol

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