Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

This question demands i dig a little deeper and perhaps be more honest than i have been with myself before…. *ugh*

Yeah, i think my submission began in my childhood. As a little girl, my home was unsafe. There was a great deal of alcoholism and domestic violence going on. i learned to be quiet, invisible and to follow the rules to remain safe. Long after the violence ended, i remained in a family system where i was relied on to take care of my mom. i was taught to be resilient, uncomplaining, obedient, and being docile was a praised quality of what a good girl i was. Along the same lines i was taught the value of service to others being good for me. Do for others without expectation of reward. Humiliation and control were part of my every day life for many years. i felt unwanted, unimportant, less than, lacking value all which drove me more towards submission where my value would be based on service to and pleasing another. In turn, humiliation is one of my kinks…. giving and receiving.

i have a Daddy for a million reasons, but one of them is the need to feel safe, protected, loved, cherished… and yes, babied and doted on. There is a lot of fun in this particular form of submission. Submission as a little means that Daddy is in control. i must obey. Daddy praises me and treats me to special time and things when i’ve been a good girl. There are rules and expectations set appropriate to my little, along with my big sub side. There is a sense of safety and security which i didn’t have as a child. i can let go of all worries, be little, laugh, cry when i need to, and let Daddy just love me to bits. This hits some sexual kinks, too. i have NO idea how those got in here.

There is an element of managing the relationship in the D/s dynamic with Daddy. There is a clear division of who does what and where the power lies. Being submissive relieves me of many of the stresses of the real world. Daddy handles most of the big things and i am responsible for the lighter work of keeping the house clean, cooking meals and being pretty and available for Daddy when He returns home.

i’d be lying if i said that a huge part of being submissive is not the sexual thrill. 😉 my kinks are varied in many directions. i know where some of them stem from, but others i have no clue!!! i can’t imagine any girl not liking the idea of being helpless and pinned under a man who desires her more than anything determined to take what He wants… *sigh* Mild pain, humiliation, control, being forced, being commanded to obey, gagged and blindfolded, bound, spanked, bitten… an element of fear and absolute trust that He will not push too far. This is the main reason i am submissive. If i’m a good girl… i get these rewards.