Today, I am practicing the art of being respectful and obedient as I silently scream inside hating every moment of my task at hand. If you have been a sub for more than little while, you surely know exactly what I’m talking about. The issue is not with my Daddy. The issue is I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot with the expense of my home repairs, the trust and dealing with a trustee who has no honor. Last night I finally had to fire my attorney after 5 months of attempting to get her to do the job I hired her to do. This makes my position even more precarious. I am dicing my words carefully so as not to step on toes and put myself even further behind the 8 ball.

I have sat by for several years now and watched as the trustee has not followed his job description to the letter of the law. He has made decisions which hurt the trust, me personally and my siblings. He chooses to continuously paint himself a saint and me a lowly sinner in need redemption at his mighty hands.

Over the years I have fought back and reminded him of his role and his position. I have kept him in check in at least demanding he treat me with respect and dignity. This is half of where the problem lies. Demanding respect from someone who already doesn’t respect you only pours fuel on their reasoning for not respecting you. Hindsight is 20/20. Regardless, I have been in a position for several years of being stuck.

He has finally hired a plumber to fix the source of the water damage. The fight around this has been equal to D-Day with my tenacity and demand that something be done. It only took a month for him to pull all of the pieces together and create a reasonable plan… all of which I laid out to him when this first started.

An electrical breaker blew earlier this week from the stress of having major appliances plugged in and running on top of an additional massive water mitigation heater on the same breaker 24/7. Again, my word meant nothing in the level of repair. He needed to hear it from an outside source. After days of struggling to get this through to him and another source detailing the required level of work, an electrician is coming to give an estimate on the work tonight.

Through all of this, the trustee has been sending different documents to different beneficiaries of the trust. Today I received a packet full of information which has been edited to remove liability for misappropriating funds in a letter that he previously incriminated himself. I read his “reports” of my life circumstances as he sees them giving his opinion and going outside the scope of his role in detailing my life to those who have no right to know. I also flipped through this packet as I saw cherry picked emails and situations giving credence to his position as all knowing and having to deal with a difficult beneficiary.

I was seething as I read through this packet full of half truths and misinterpretations and outright lies. As I began to respond, I wrote my email several times over deleting all but my salutation until I was able to graciously bite my tongue leaving out all details of his egregious misrepresentations. I found the strength I needed to be calm under pressure and obey the rules of the situation I am in. There are times in the real world where being a well trained sub serves a purpose. I need his help and he holds all the cards right now. My words filled an email with gratitude for his assistance with situation which has been hard for all of us. I simply thanked him for providing me with a copy of the packet he has sent to my siblings. I politely asked his intention of serving as trustee through the sale of the house and distribution of the funds.

I choked down bile as I wrote the words and sent it. I’ve been trained well. There is a time and a way to address serious issues respectfully so additional problems are not created. Respect, obedience and politeness sometimes buy the necessary time to reign Hell almighty on those who have caused the most harm.