Everything came crashing in tonight. Details I didn’t know. More lies.
I stooped to a level of hurt and lashing out which is so far below me I can’t hardly put words to it. I ranted in obscenities to his ex-girlfriend for reaching out to him when the first Facebook humiliation episode went down and for hurting him and leaving me with the pieces to pick up. I ranted at the girl he cheated on both of us with for being a slut and not supporting other girls. I lost my shit!!!!
When the ex replied to my insanity, I had calmed down enough to offer a sincere apology. I told her I was lashing out at her because I’m so hurt and angry that I want to hurt him. I told her that he lied to me about her from the beginning. That he’s cheated on me with both men and women, like he did with her. I also told her that the same woman created problems for us. I apologized once again for being so nasty. I told her I’m a better person than this. I wished her luck and told her I’d never contact her again.
I took my wedding ring off.
I won’t live in a relationship where my trust has been shattered time and again. Each time, I find there have been even more half truths and straight out lies.
For now, I’m not totally sure what the future holds. I do know that I have told him I’m not his wife, or his little… I’m not his anything. If things are to work at all, he must work his ass off for me. Marriage counseling is an absolute must. I also told him he is to surrender his wedding ring until a time comes I think I might want to give it back. I know that he will be sleeping in the spare room until I can bare the thought of him touching me or even being near me.
My most honest feeling right this moment is to walk away. Call it quits. Send him packing. Have divorce papers filled out for him to sign when w
he gets home. I’m strong. He’s husband #4. I’ve left all of them for not being good men. What I’m seeing right now doesn’t qualify as a good man.
I miss my mom. She’d know just what to say.
Meanwhile? My heart is breaking once again. He may love me to the moon and back and forever…. but he breaks my heart over and over.